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I have the heart of a lion and a life time ban at the New York zoo.
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A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband’s friend walks over and says,
“Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E.”
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Trump can get ban the cops can tack him to jral and trunp go go go go bye bye for good trump is meing
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Why wasn’t the moon 🌕 hungry?
Because it was full!
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Which way did the соw jump over the moon?
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What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The соw didn’t make it
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Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say forgive and forget. They are really obedient.
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(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick
I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
4. Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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Boi you can’t be talking because it someone punched you in the face you will be the one to apologize
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Mom: I apologize Sam for being so mean to you <3
Sam: Thank you mother for your apology.
Mom: jk
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The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the соndом factory!"
Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.
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I guess her rubber broke too
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I wish i could be as visible as my depression is.
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I wish I could кill my family but you realise your an orphan
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What has more letters than the alphabet? – The post office.
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How do you know a wishing well works?
If your mother-in-law falls down it
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Genie: What are your 3 wishes?
Me: Make every word 4 letters long.
Geni: Wish Gran.
Meee: Make every word star with “br”.
Brni: Brsh Bran.
Bree: brke brer brrd brnd brth "uh"
Bruh: Bruh bruh
Bruh: Bruh bruh bruh
Bruh: Bruh bruh
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Go commit neck rope
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What would fall out of a tree first? A depressed person or a feather?.
Answer:
The feather wouldn’t. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
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