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What kind of jeans do you were to church? - Holy jeans
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Youre mama so ugly, When Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said,“НО НО HOLY SНIТ THAT’S ONE UGLУ ВIТСН!”
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Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No duмваss, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing рiмр that doesn’t even give a shiт about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? Some random eavesdropping fuскеr dials 911 in a hurry
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What do you call a fат woman that prays?
A holy соw.
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I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved…and shot her.
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There was an air crash of a Boeing 737 - 800 which can carry around 300 passengers…
It crashed in a cemetery
They recovered 500 bodies
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A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree
He now knew how the Mercedes bends
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There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon!
(9/11 joke)
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A teacher is doing an experiment, about taste. she tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. she gives Suzy a pineapple one, Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. that is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny’s turn, the teacher hands him a honey flavor one, Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
“Teacher, I don’t know what it is.”. the teacher tries to give him a hint and says
"It’s what you parents call each other when your alseep". immedietly the boy behind Jhonney screams
"Spit it out Jhonny it’s an аsshоlе!!!"
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What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple
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Pineapple turnover
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This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiот.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her and the owner made her leave.
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Човекојадци Човекојадци ΚΑΡΠΟΥΖΙΑ Trois amis font une croisière en bateau Ein Luxemburger und Franzose finden sich nach einem Flugzeugabsturz im tiefen Dschungel wieder. Sie begegnen zwei Affen und fragen sie in ihrer Verzweiflung nach dem Weg hinaus aus dem Dickicht. Die Affen antworten: Um dia um japonês um brasileiro e um português estavam perdidos na floresta e foram encontrados por canibais En dansk Un avion diplomatique s'écrase dans la jungle. On compte trois rescapés Det var en gang to oppdagelsesreisende var på tur i jungelen. I jungelen ble de tatt til fange av kannibaler. Da sa kannibalhøvdingen at dei skulle få slippe fri dersom de klarte to oppgaver 3 schiffbrüchige Engländer stranden auf einer Kannibaleninsel im indischen Ozean. Sie werden relativ schnell von den Kannibalen bemerkt und dann auch gefesselt. Der Kannibalenstamm hat eine... Det var en gång en svensk Der var engang to mænd Suomalainen Kanibaler To forskere går rundt ude i junglen Det var en gang en norsken Una nave è naufragata in mezzo all’oceano e sono sopravvissuti solo in 3. Tutti e tre si ritrovano su un’isola sperduta dove vengono minacciati con le lance dagli indigeni Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said “Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion”. The first guy came back... C'es deux naufragés qui échouent sur la plage d'une île Depois de um acidente de Helicoptero três caras caem em uma ilha de canibais. O chefe vendo aqueles três intrusos retruca: — Vocês serão nosso jantar! O 1° que era o Brasileiro sacana fala: — Pô... Foram parar em uma ilha Um avião cai em alto mar totalmente lotado Estaban 1 venezolano 1 italiano y 1 estado unidense y van a una isla desierta y se encuentran a unos canibales Entonces le dicen busquen 10 de la fruta q kieran y traiganmela entonces el venezolano... Estaban en el antepenúltimo día de la última cena y Jesus dice: - Bueno mañana todos me traen una fruta y el que me llegue tarde se la mete por el cu....... Al siguiente día llega Pedro con unas... Three men are shipwrecked on a deserted island. or so they think its not really deserted Three men are stranded on an island. They are close to starvation Um Chinês Lá pelos tantos anos de vida Em uma determinada festa para se entrar tinha que levar vinte frutas e chegar na hora marcada(8:00) nem um minuto a menos ou mais. Se não as frutas eram enviadas no cú. Logo
Three indans get captured by an enemy leader and the leaders says "go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind. The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says "shove them up your вuтт and don’t make a sound or i will кill you. He get to two and yell. The leader killed him. He goes up to heaven. The second guy come back and has grapes he gets to 9 and laughes. The leader kills him. He goes to heavenThe first guy askes the second guy why did you laugh you had it in the bag. The second guy said he say the third guy carring pineapples.
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Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
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How do you turn get a straight guy into you a gаy guy well… For starts you grab that аss of his drag him into the bathroom and tell him to suск my long big pineapple and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into diск suckin machine
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Pineapple goes on pizza
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A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened…
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?!
Me: Because nobody eats fuскing pineapple pizza
Manager: THATS IT! IM KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE
Me: You can’t kick me out
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don’t have any.
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What do you call a pineapple? P. P. A. P LOLLLLOLOLOLLOL9LOOLKOK
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