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One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. ‘Why are you early, it is not even christmas?’
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Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?
Woman: Sure.
Man: How about for ten dollars?
Woman: What do you think I am?
Man: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price.
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Lenda: Hey can you help me with my homework…please?!
Genda: Okay and if I do you won’t make a fuss about it!
Lenda: I’ll try!
3 mins later.
Genda: THAT IS NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER!
Lenda: Then what is 90 million.
Genda: WHA WHA!!!
Lenda mocking her: WHA OH YEAH YOU ARE A TERRIBLE TUTOR!!!
4 mins later.
Genda: What is the capitol of watchington?
Lenda: Uh…Idaho!
Genda being sarcatic: Yes…it is not the capitol of watchington…BECAUSE IT A STATE!!!
Lenda: Oh you mean Iowa!
Genda: UHHHHHHHHHHHH CUSS WORD!!!
Lenda: U can’t help that I’m the smart one…okay sweetie now you go be dumb and I go be smart! LATER SISTER! Oh wait can you help me with my homework?
Genda: NO! You the smart one so you do it!
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What is purple and wines when it’s squished?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
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‘Who was purple and wanted to rule the world?
Alexander the Grape.’
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The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin the bars…
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Why wouldn’t Mrs Grapes 🍇 leave her children behind?
Because she loves raisin kids.
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What happens to grapes when you step on them? they wine
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Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
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3 men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live, only if they could achieve one thing. They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first person returned with apples, the leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his аss without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1…2 he screamed. The next person came back with grapes, 1,2,3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing, he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well, “well i saw the third guy coming back with fuскing pineapples”
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What deos a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it
Nothing it just lets out a little wine
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Bowl of dark grapes
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men
Friend 2: Black? Good one
Friend 1: 21 at a time
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My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him 🥰🥰🥰
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My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
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What’s a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest’s basement.
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What kind of jeans do you were to church? - Holy jeans
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Youre mama so ugly, When Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said,“НО НО HOLY SНIТ THAT’S ONE UGLУ ВIТСН!”
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Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No duмваss, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing рiмр that doesn’t even give a shiт about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? Some random eavesdropping fuскеr dials 911 in a hurry
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