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To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to кill him straight away. That’s why she is my friend, after all!

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If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die. But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I wont die because the potato is already dead and cant attack my immune system.

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A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, “Down, Syndrome!”

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I didn’t trip and fall… I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning :3

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You know i got attacked by a man with cheese and a bit of milk.
How dairy!!

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The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me …how dairy

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If Stephen Hawking Gets a Heart Attack, where do you go, The hospital or curry’s PC World

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You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.

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You just made a Мisт-ake

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Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?
He мisт.

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Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I мisт you!
Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?

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When I мisт I miss

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I went outside to catch some dog but I mist

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How is the world like dirt?Because we don’t think twice about it.

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Welcome back to the hide and seek world championship! Osama Bin Laden vs. Anne Frank!

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I can hear the whole world booing me

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How do you know youre following a dolorean? the white line disappears

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A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping, the boy asks “what is that man doing?”. The mom says “Making pizza” trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fuскing another dog and he asks the same thing. She says “Making extra cheese”. When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says “Ordering the pizza”.
Later that day the mother says to the father “I think I want some to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, dont know why that sounds good”.
So that night the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs “wanna order some pizza !?”
The mother replied “DONT WORRY IM MAKING SOME”
The sons voice followed " IM ADDING EXTRA CHEESE"

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