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Jesus took bread and said:
“This is my flesh!” Then he took wine and said:
“This is my blood!” Then he took mayonnaise and Peter said:
“Holy shiт, now we gotta stop him!”
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What do you call a fат woman that prays?
A holy соw.
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I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved…and shot her.
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A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree
He now knew how the Mercedes bends
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There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon!
(9/11 joke)
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A teacher is doing an experiment, about taste. she tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. she gives Suzy a pineapple one, Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. that is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny’s turn, the teacher hands him a honey flavor one, Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
“Teacher, I don’t know what it is.”. the teacher tries to give him a hint and says
"It’s what you parents call each other when your alseep". immedietly the boy behind Jhonney screams
"Spit it out Jhonny it’s an аsshоlе!!!"
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What do you call a pineapple in a pun?
A Puneapple
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Pineapple turnover
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This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiот.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her and the owner made her leave.
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Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple
Because it is a pineapple pin apple apple pen doudodo
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Човекојадци Човекојадци ΚΑΡΠΟΥΖΙΑ Trois amis font une croisière en bateau, le bateau s Ein Luxemburger und Franzose finden sich nach einem Flugzeugabsturz im tiefen Dschungel wieder. Sie begegnen zwei Affen und fragen sie in ihrer Verzweiflung nach dem Weg hinaus aus dem Dickicht. Die Affen antworten: Um dia um japonês um brasileiro e um português estavam perdidos na floresta e foram encontrados por canibais, e o rei disse: — Nós não vamos comer vocês se trouxerem uma fruta. E os três foram pela floresta atrás de uma, chegou o japonês com uma maçã. O rei disse: — Eu vou enfiar a fruta na sua... En dansk, en norsk och en svensk blev ifångatagna av kannibaler på en ö. Istället för att bli uppkäkade frågade norsken ifall det var något de kunde göra för att bli fria. Kannibalen svarar: - Gå... Un avion diplomatique s Det var en gang to oppdagelsesreisende var på tur i jungelen. I jungelen ble de tatt til fange av kannibaler. Da sa kannibalhøvdingen at dei skulle få slippe fri dersom de klarte to oppgaver, men... 3 schiffbrüchige Engländer stranden auf einer Kannibaleninsel im indischen Ozean. Sie werden relativ schnell von den Kannibalen bemerkt und dann auch gefesselt. Der Kannibalenstamm hat eine... Det var en gång en svensk, en norsk och en dansk som var ute och gick på en till synes obebodd ö. Plötsligt hoppade det fram ett gäng kannibaliska infödingar som tog männen tillfånga. Svensken... Der var engang to mænd, de var på ferie i Afrika, de var dog faret vild. De vidste ikke at de havde nærmet sig indianerstammerne. De blev uheldighvis opdaget. Indianerne tog de to mænd til fange.... Suomalainen, ruotsalainen ja norjalainen joutuivat kaukaiselle saarelle. Saaren heimojohtaja sanoi, että heidän täytyy kerätä kymmenen hedelmää ja tuoda tänne. Norjalainen toi kymmenen omenaa ja... Kanibaler To forskere går rundt ude i junglen, hvor de bliver fanget af vilde kannibaler. De vil blive frigivet mod at udføre to opgaver hver. Først skal de finde 20 frugter hver. Den ene forsker... Det var en gang en norsken, svensken og dansken som hadde blitt tatt til fange av noen kanibaler. For å slipe fri måtte dei finne 100 runde ting i skogen, komme tilbake og spise de. Nordmannen fant... Una nave è naufragata in mezzo all’oceano e sono sopravvissuti solo in 3. Tutti e tre si ritrovano su un’isola sperduta dove vengono minacciati con le lance dagli indigeni, che li conducono al... Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said “Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion”. The first guy came back... C Depois de um acidente de Helicoptero três caras caem em uma ilha de canibais. O chefe vendo aqueles três intrusos retruca: — Vocês serão nosso jantar! O 1° que era o Brasileiro sacana fala: — Pô... Foram parar em uma ilha, um Americano, um Brasileiro, e um Português. Chegaram os canibais da ilha e disseram: — Uga uga,para vocês ficarem aqui tem que procurar duas frutas e infincar no rabo e se... Um avião cai em alto mar totalmente lotado, porém três passageiros conseguem sobreviver (Um americano, um Brasileiro e um Argentino), os três conseguem nadar até uma ilha. Quando enfim estão a... Estaban 1 venezolano 1 italiano y 1 estado unidense y van a una isla desierta y se encuentran a unos canibales Entonces le dicen busquen 10 de la fruta q kieran y traiganmela entonces el venezolano... Estaban en el antepenúltimo día de la última cena y Jesus dice: - Bueno mañana todos me traen una fruta y el que me llegue tarde se la mete por el cu....... Al siguiente día llega Pedro con unas... Three men are shipwrecked on a deserted island. or so they think its not really deserted, they met a troop of cannibals. The cannibals surrounded them and said, "Go get 10 of any kind of fruit or... Three men are stranded on an island. They are close to starvation, when a Native Tribe finds them and takes them back to their camp. The leader says: " Go in a jungle and bring back a fruit, then... Um Chinês, um americano e um português estavam andando em uma floresta quando eles vem um monte de indios Os indios falam para eles: — Vão cada um de vocês pegar uma fruta! Eles vão e primeiro... Lá pelos tantos anos de vida, dois compadres morreram quase no mesmo dia. Um dos compadres como era esperto, levou para o portão do ceu um cacho de bananas, e ofereceu a São Pedro, São Pedro então... Em uma determinada festa para se entrar tinha que levar vinte frutas e chegar na hora marcada(8:00) nem um minuto a menos ou mais. Se não as frutas eram enviadas no cú. Logo, chega um homem as 8:01...
Three indans get captured by an enemy leader and the leaders says "go in the woods and find 10 fruits of the same kind. The first one comes back with apples. The enemy leader says "shove them up your вuтт and don’t make a sound or i will кill you. He get to two and yell. The leader killed him. He goes up to heaven. The second guy come back and has grapes he gets to 9 and laughes. The leader kills him. He goes to heavenThe first guy askes the second guy why did you laugh you had it in the bag. The second guy said he say the third guy carring pineapples.
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Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
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Pineapple goes on pizza
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A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened…
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?!
Me: Because nobody eats fuскing pineapple pizza
Manager: THATS IT! IM KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE
Me: You can’t kick me out
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don’t have any.
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What do you call a pineapple? P. P. A. P LOLLLLOLOLOLLOL9LOOLKOK
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One time there was a happy lil girl then one day her teacher asked how many legs and arms do a pineapple have she said
Girl: You know those pokey things on it thats how many
Teacher says: Thats dumb they have zero. then the next day the girl set a fire in her house and then she burned her legs and arms then she survived went to school then the teacher said i heard your house went on fire and btw you know you don´t have no arms or legs right the girl said OK then the question the teacher asked yesterday asked the girl again she said what do u call a girl with no legs or arms? the teacher said ANSWER MY QUESTION the girl said OK OK the girl said 13 the teacher said PINEAPPLES DO NOT EVEN HAVE LEGS Then the teacher had to calm down then the teacher said to the girl ask a question whatever u want then the girl said ok and im sorry teacher teacher said its ok i need a break the girl said what do u call a girl without legs or arms someone from the class her name was nia she said a worm she said NO!!! the teacher said CALM DOWN JUST TELL US WHAT the girl said OK then the girl said it…And yall who is reading my story guess what the answer is before i tell u and btw the girls name is sunny back to story…she said the answer is A PINEAPPLE then when the teacher was calm she told her to sit down then the teacher read a story The Three Little pigs then the girl went home she got a new house then lived happily ever after
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Tyler: What’s your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh what’s yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I’m home alone
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right Now
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a соndом?
Frankie: Now enough talk let’s fuck
Tyler: I fought you never asked
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What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor
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