Jokes

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When you steal the weird pet rock so he pulls out his pet glock

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What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”

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A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money. Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole. The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money. The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money you worthless old fаrт.”

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Look at these kids stealing ideas bro they going to jail

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Last words of the captain of the Titanic… Where’s all this water come from??

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Why do Pirates say “Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” ?
First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:
“The canons be ready Captain!”
“Are” says the Captain (correcting their grammar)
“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!” they all exclaimed !!

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It’s tricky when you’re both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.

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Kapteyn = captain

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What do you call a guy with a big diск that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D

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What cearial do i eat
Captain bolts

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Shipmate: captain, there’s an iceberg and we need to steer around it right now!
Captain:my momma didn’t raise no рussy. Either that iceberg is gonna move or I am.

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Captain of the Titanic: ‘where’s all that fuскing water coming from?’.

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Perrie

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Chuck Norris:
“I block bullets with me beard”. Abraham Lincoln:
“I catch bullets with my skull”

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When the teacher dismissed the class to go home
The orphan where do I go
The teacher home
Orphan catch me on the streets then

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What is the best way to catch a baby fron falling off the roof,
With a pitchfork.

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I Love to play catch with my dad! He’s never there to catch the ball though.

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What’s better then throwing dead ваве’s?
Catching them after with a pitch fork

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