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I was asking people who knew trump if he would win a second term . Stormy said " no way, he doesn’t have 2 in him!"

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How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.

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I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win - however, no pun in ten did.

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Who and the fastest readers in the world??
The people in the twin towers cause they went through over 100 stories in lest then 10 minutes

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So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. My first time in the air, my instructor informed me but he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sеxuаl advances I would have to jump out of the plane, and his buddy says "well did you jump?"the guy says yeah, a little at first.

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A cardboard belt is a waist of paper.

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I told my mom that i have a crush she replied with:
“so u like girls” i said:
"Uhm no no no " BUT im lеsвiаn someone help how do i tell her without her hitting me with a belt??

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When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fат аss”.

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So little Johnny comes home from school knowing dамn well he messed up his math test, his mother and father gets home and he tells them " mom I failed my math test" his mother aggressively says “get the belt” Johnny says “why?” His mother says “im gonna spank you for failing” Johnny says “so just like daddy?” His father turns red knowing what they did last night

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Why do men sag there pants so low and still wear a belt
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don’t pay

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I love fire. My friends love it too. When i set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

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Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says,
" Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."

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Chuck Norris and medusa had a staring contest medusa turned to stone

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Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you’re a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.
Join us for more of the story, after the break!

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When you at a funeral and you laugh at the body…everyone stares and one person said isn´t that your mom…?

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Here are a few:
While I was out shopping i tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me, for fun I said “Sorry! It’s been awhile since I’ve possessed a body.” She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs. . . I hope!
Son: Dad why is my name Experience?
Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won’t eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won’t eat a person.

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What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common? Both stare off into space

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Are teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall no resson so i said hey wall dat аss flat like a pancake from mcdondles.

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