Jokes

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Average speed of a wife in a shopping mall: $200 per hour.

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Mommy, who’s that black man?”
“Don’t touch Daddy, darling, he’s still electrified.”

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A wife tells her husband, “I’m just going to pop over to Jenny next door for 5 minutes, don’t forget to stir the curry every half an hour!”

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My friend and I got arrested by the police. When we were in the police car, one of the officers told us to put the seatbelt on. My friend said, “Don’t worry about it. If anybody stops us, I’ll pay the fine.”
Everybody laughed.

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Pregnant women are the only true body builders.

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I wonder what dirтy talk looks like in sign language.

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“I love working with animals!”
- Roland, 46, butcher

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“I just want to release the child within.”
- Anne (28), heavily pregnant

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“I just can’t take anymore.”
- Pascal, 41, freshly-caught shoplifter

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“What would you say is the best protection for a man?”
“I’m just always really nice and helpful.”
- Howard, 35, best friend to a lot of women

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You open a couple of doors more during the Advent and you never hear the end of it.
- Roger, 48, prison guard

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“I’m a woman, we’re multi-tasking naturally!”
- Melanie, 38, regularly taking up 2-3 parking spots at the same time

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“Talk about overreaction – I just take home something small from work and they’re immediately calling the police!”
- Carl, 48, kindergarten teacher

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“I hate working from home!”
- Gerald, 48, fireworker“

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Come get it if you’ve got the ваlls for it.”
- Peter, 19, teasing his neutered cat

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“I love my job, I get to play hide and seek the whole day!”
- Harry, 47, Customer consultant at a home improvement store

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“It’s wonderful, I’m making new friends every day!”
- Erwin, 78, Alzheimer patient

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“I ran over a deer. I have to process it now...”
- Ralph, 42, butcher

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