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My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago but ahe didnt tell me what it was…anyways im turning 14 next month.

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I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

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How does a реnguin 🐧 build its house?
Igloos it together!

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What did the orphans friend give him for his birthday?
Lego so he can build a home.

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I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing eachother and I said excuse where is the bathroom and the man said right over there. I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say “Dad I have to go to school soon”

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My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

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You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European

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Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo

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I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall and when I got out a handicap man told me that I was an a**hole and I told him “bet you won’t stand up and say that to my face” and hen he broke down.

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I hate it when people are at my house and ask “do you have a bathroom?” What answer Are they expecting “no, we рее in the yard”

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So a women was paranoid so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed and if the dog licked her hand then she was safe. One night just before bed she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a liск so she went to bed. She in the middle of the night needed to go to the bathroom. So she walked into the bathroom and on the window it said: HUMANS CAN LIСК TOO! Then she was murdered.

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What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom? WATCH OUT!!!

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What is Julius Caesar’s favorite food?
Roman noodles

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Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don’t you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, “No, I only want one.”

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If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day…

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When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”

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Julius’s wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).

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Caesar went to the future only to see on how the roman’s forgot Julius caesar but only made a salad… i think it would have been better if caesar stayed dead

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