Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

“A vоdка please!”
“Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.”
“Yeah, yeah, alright. McVodka then.”

0

0

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.
First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".
The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suск the chocolate around them."

0

0

An Eskimo brings his friend to his home for a visit. When they arrive, his friend asks, puzzled :
– “So where’s your igloo?”
The friend replies
“Oh no, I must’ve left the iron on…”

0

0

Long-term marriage? That means that when your wife asks you to sтriр, it’s more likely that she’s trying to fill up the space in the washing machine than anything else.

0

0

A man looks at himself in the mirror: “1 inch more and I’d be a king.”
The mirror replies: “1 inch less and you’d be a queen.”

0

0

A little boy, already tucked in bed, asks his daddy to please leave the light on.
“But why? Such a big boy?”
“I’m afraid of the dark, daddy…”
“Now that’s just racist, son!”

0

0

Why is the banana crooked?
So it would fit in the peel, which is also crooked…

0

0

(You): Do you wipe your вuтт with your right or your left hand?
(Victim): With my right hand.
(You): That’s disgusting. I use toilet paper.

0

0

In the car repair shop:
Customer: “Can you save my car?”
Repair man: “I believe we could, by sсrеwing a new car in between the license plates.”

0

0

People sometimes tell me scary things, like “You have a great inner beauty.”
I’m just thinking: “Stay away from my kidneys.”

0

0

I love karma. I can do terrible things to all sorts of people whenever, wherever, and know the ваsтаrds deserved it.

0

0

One prison guard to the other: “Have you heard that prisoner 234 broke out yesterday?!”
The other guard: “Thank goodness. Finally the hammering racket stops.”

0

0

He: “When I see a sтuрid face I have to laugh.”
She: “Doesn’t that make shaving yourself kind of difficult?”

0

0

no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend? It totally ruined our bath!

0

0

Do you know what’s cool?
Winter.

0

0

Which bus never drove any street?
The globus.

0

0

I lost some weight last month.
But now it found me again.

0

0

Do you know why I can’t be buried in a cemetery?”
[No]
“Because I’m still alive.”

0

0