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What do you call a fат psychic?
A four сhin teller.

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I’m starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.

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Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor

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Last week I told my psychiatrist, “I keep thinking about suicide,” and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

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My sons so ungrateful. i bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.

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How do you get a fат girl to bed? Piece of cake

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Do you know Imagine Dragons
Yeah
Imagine Dragon my nuts across your face

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What is the difference between an orphan and a apple?
Well at least one gets picked

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My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

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Dамn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.

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Sometimes... when you cry ... no one sees your tears... sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile... But fаrт just one time...

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What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? – He nuts and bolts.

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Is вuттсhеекs one word?
Or should I spread em?

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How do You punish helen keller.
You leave the plunger in the toilet.

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Why did the strawberry cry? – Because his mother was in a jam.

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My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

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Why are mountains so funny? – Because they are hill areas.

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What does a pulse and an оrgаsм have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.

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