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Guy: Is your phone in your back pocket?
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because that аss is calling me.

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Blanket on = hot. Blanket off = cold. Blanket on with foot out = perfect.......... Until that dамn demon from paranormal activity drags you down the hall.

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Broccoli:
"I look like a tree."
Walnut:
"I look like a brain. "
Mushroom:
"I look like an umbrella."
Banana:
"Dude! Change the topic..."

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Dear Pancakes,
Do you have little compartments for syrup? No? I didn't think so.
Sincerely, Waffles.

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Did you sit in a pile of sugar?
Because you've got a pretty sweet аss.

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Ke$ha:
"Вlоw!"
Bruno Mars:
"Grenade.."
Taio Cruz:
"Dynamite!"
Katy Perry:
"Firework.."
Britney Spears:
"Till the world ends!"
... Are they plotting something?

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* Gangnam Style Remix *
Broken соndом style!
Ayyyyyyy that's your baby!
Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!

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Rate kickass only this if your name isn't Steve.

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Perfect has 7 letters
So does meeeeee
Coincidence? I think not

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What do Snooki and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will вlоw the entire east coast to get on TV.

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About to watch The Day After Tomorrow, that should take my mind off the hurricane.

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What if Gangnam Style is actually just a giant rain dance and we brought this hurricane on ourselves?

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Youre probably nакеd under those clothes you slut

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I just got gas for $1.29!
Too bad it was from Taco Веll...

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Boobytrap backwards is partyboob.
Carry on.

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That awkward moment when your toys make 3 movies behind your back.
- Andy

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Something To Do When You're Bored:
1. Catch a fly.
2. Put it in the freezer.
3. Wait 10 minutes.
4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious, not dead.
5. Pull out a strand of hair or a thin piece of string.
6. Tie it around the fly.
7. Wait till it wakes up.
BAM! Your very own pet fly

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Every Girl Wants A Guy
Who Hugs Her When They're Watching A Scary Or Romantic Movie,
Who Gives Her His Jacket Even When He Himself Is Feeling Cold,
Who Will Always Be The One To Make Her Laugh,
Most Importantly He Will Love Her For Who She Is !
That Guy Is What Google Calls "No Result Found!"

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