Jokes

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What was the barristas favourite part about being arrested? The mug shots.

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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.

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Yesterday I saw a keyboard with some missing keys. It ended up killing itself because it lacked self-Ctrl.

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They should make a Minecraft movie, it would be a blockbuster.

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I'm taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.

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I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.

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There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

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Two young skunks named -In-and-Out go out to play.
After a while Out got bored so he went in.
Mummy skunk said that tea was ready and sent Out, out to tell In to come in.
Very quickly Out came in with In.
That was quick said mummy skunk how did you find In so fast?
Oh said Out that was easy. “IN STINKED.”

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If you download mp3s while on holiday in Jamaica, does that make you a ‘Pirate of the Caribbean’?

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A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

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So taken 3 is out
600 bucks a ticket
150 for a drink
200 for popcorn
The only thing getting taken is my ass

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FATE is what you call it when you dont know the name of the person that is sсrеwing you over !

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Bill: you wanna here a joke?
John: yeah
Bill: life

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I would sleep better at night if scientist’s could discover a cure for natural causes.

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I hate it when people see you at the supermarket and they ask you,"What are you doing here?"
And im just like,"Oh you know just hunting elephants."

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The trouble with playing air harp in public is that people always think you’re beckoning them over.

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Did you hear the Italian Government is going to put a clock on the Leaning Tower of Pisa? They figure what good is the inclination, if you don't have the time.

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I went to a NY Jets game and I was complaining in the parking lot because they lost. So Mark Sanchez heard and he pinned me up against a wall and threatened me... luckily he fumbled me and I got away...

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