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What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
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I was going to make a 'third rеiсh' joke, but now is not 'zee time.
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Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
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I hit my neon that one that was sodium funny
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I became a professional fisherman...
But discovered I couldn't live on my net income.
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The wife's gone and left me due to my obsession with glass. I'm shattered.
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I was so sad and crying when I lost my playstation 3 but unfortunately, there was nobody to console me!
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There was a cat with 16 lives.
A 4x4 (jeep) ran it over,
And the cat died.
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I really ducking hate autocorrect.
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A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said,
"Will, what will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."
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Just been sacked from my job at the casino. Apparently when they hired me as a dealer I wasn’t supposed to try and sell сrаск сосаinе to customers.
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I quit saying "Мidgет" because it's offensive.
Besides, "People McNuggets" is better.
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Did you hear about the guy who swallowed a yo yo?
He did the same shiт 6 times.
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Just failed my job interview after the following question:
Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: I normally do it verbally using words but on this occasion I’ve actually prepared a dance.
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Sometimes I like to tuck my knees to my chest and lean forward.
That's just how I roll.
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What did the big black bucket say to the little white bucket?
"You're a little pail."
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I just bought a brand new chess set at a раwn shop.
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Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
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