Jokes

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I made the mistake of asking an auctioneer the time this afternoon.
“1.25. 1.25. 1.25. 1.25. 1.25. 1.25. 1.26.”

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A : Tell me a very short story
B : Your Dick

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The next Star Wars film will focus on union labour building a new Death Star.
‘The Empire Backs Strikes’ will be released next year.

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If you were a spider, you could learn everything on the web.

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Chem students do it on the table periodically.

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What did the ocean say to the beach?
Can't talk now, I'm all tide up!

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I am selling my guitar, no strings attached!!

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The guy who was convicted of a marijuana charge, had his case sent to a joint committee.

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Stop it with the gаy jokes, сuм on guys.

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I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

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I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next сrар could spell disaster.

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If a short psychic broke out of jail, then you'd have a small medium at large.

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Two eggs were in a рот, being boiled. One said to the other, “it’s so hot in here I don’t think I can stand it much longer.” The other replied, “Don’t grumble. As soon as they get you out of here, they bash your head with a spoon.”

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Jack met Claude in the street and noticed that Claude was carrying a small parcel.
‘Been shopping then, Claude?” he asked.
“Yes,” replied Claude, “I’ve just been to the perfumery to by a present for the wife’s birthday tomorrow.” “Oh, yes?” said Jack, “what did you get her, then?”
“A bottle of toilet water. Very expensive - this little bottle cost me twenty-five dollars!”
“Twenty-five dollars for a bottle of toiler water?” said Jack in amazement. “Why don’t you come home with me? You can have all you want for nothing!”

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I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help”.

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I wonder why there are locks on the doors of Seven-Eleven when it says they are open 24/7.

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What do you call a task force that smokes wееd? a Joint Task Force

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There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator... and you can't cross it!

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