Jokes

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What was the two last pizzas ordered from the Twin Towers just before 911?
Two large plains.

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Don't hold in your farts, thats where you get your сrаррy ideas from

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I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

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Don't worry guys, I won't make a joke about bread.
It's the yeast that I could do.

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Don’t you hate it when you’re typing something and you’re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were тiттiеs.

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What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?
The same middle name.

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An Idiот was once asked," Where is the center of the earth?" to which he instantly replied," Right here!"
But why he was asked. The idiот replied, "You don't believe it? Then disprove it!"

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The first thing you have to do when you have a day job is you have to get up -- in the morning -- and that's inconvenient.

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Rate kickass button if you like воовs!

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Kickass if you think kickasshumor should make an app

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When I was growing up my parents made a lot of sacrifices. They were actually devil worshipers.

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What goes, "Clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop ВАNG ВАNG clip clop clip clop clip clop..."
An Amish drive-by shooting.

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To the guy who invented Zero:
Thanks for nothing!

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I could not believe that the statue wasn't made from stone. Next time I won't take art for granite.

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What do you call a rat that's in a cocoon?
A raccoon.
Badup bup

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A court jester is thrown into jail for telling terrible jokes.
~What did he say after the guard locked him up?
O-PUN the door!

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Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

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Our date was awesome. Especially the way it ended: with a bang

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