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What's the difference between a pun and a fаrт? A pun is a shift of wit and a fаrт is...............

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If you ate oreoes with milk in space,it would be the milky-way to eat them!

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I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and all it has been doing is GATHERING DUST!!!

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Being struck by lightning is a shocking experience!

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A clock would make a great comedian. Well getting the timings right is more than watch is needed.

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Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston just broke up. It's a bit of a Thor point, but they're keeping it Loki

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Interviewer: Give me an example of a time you overcame a difficult situation.
Me: I ran out of milk once when making cereal so I came up with the idea of using ice cream.

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A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"
The bartender replies,
"For you, neutron, no charge."

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Mr. Sharma: ”When I die, love, I want to be cremated.”
Mrs. Sharma: ”That is a good idea, dear. The gold in your teeth ought to pay all the expenses.”

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My mother said, “You know, J-Lo doesn’t even speak Spanish.” … I replied, “I know, but her аss does.”

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So I went to Suicide Bombing Class and the teacher said,
"Okay now pay attention! I'm gonna do this once!"

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What's this "Inner beauty" thing everyone's been talking about?
I've been digging into my girlfriend for HOURS with a knife and I haven't found it yet!

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What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

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I was going to make a 'third rеiсh' joke, but now is not 'zee time.

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Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

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My Australian puns are of good koala-ty!

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I hit my neon that one that was sodium funny

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I became a professional fisherman...
But discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

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