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My wife says she is divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she really leave me…
…Find out next week!

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I was always told to reach high in life. This why I keep the сосаinе on the top shelf...

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I went to Premature Ejaculators Anonymous but nobody was there.
I guess I came too soon.

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The key to the success of all musicians of note is their ability to stay composed while performing at a level that can't be beat.

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Two fishermen went out fishing.
They talked about the business they ran.
One fisherman asks the other:
"What's our net worth?"

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What do you use if your pumpkin has a hole in it?
A pumpkin patch!

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Why couldn't the poet get a bank loan?
Because he already "ode" too much.

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Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

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How was the underwear model fired?
He was debriefed.

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I just saw an advert for the new film: ‘The Hole - Now in 3D!’
Well, surely it has to be in 3D otherwise it’s just a circle.

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What do you call it when you spank and a naughty person? A: Statue of liberty

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Did you hear about the accountant with insomnia? He decided to try counting sheep, but he made a mistake and was up all night trying to find it!

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A few years ago the pharmacy mixed up toothpaste with my pile cream.
Within a fortnight my gums had shrunk, but my аrsе had the ring of confidence!

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Humans use about 10% of their brain. That is not true until you take a f*cking test.

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Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!

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If i had a dog with a face like yours.... I would shave its аss and make it walk backwards.

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Definition of Salary: A bribe your boss gives you to give up on your dreams.

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Roes are gray violet's are gray why? CAUSE I'M A FUСКING DOG YOU RЕТАRD.

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