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There was a race between some lettuce, a tomato and a faucet.
How did it turn out?
Well the lettuce won by a head, the faucet was running, and the tomato tried to ketchup.

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Why does cooking take about six hours, eating only three to five seconds, and washing dishes like seven days and seven nights???

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If a fellow met a fellow in a field of flowers...........
How many "f's" in that?
None.
There are no "F's" in the word: That.

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A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked; “what is the quickest way to the lake? The local thought for a while. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the tourist. “I’m driving.” “That is the quickest way!” the local said.

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My pals called me stingy so I decided to buy them a вееr.
Turns out they wanted one each.

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You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

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Good gag for next time you’re on an airplane and the fella next to you falls asleep:
Ask the stewardess to borrow her demonstration mask, put it on and shake him awake with an alarmed look on your face.

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Just been out for a run. Sure, it was a вееr run but I was still sweating by the end.

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A straight eyed and cross eyed guy bump into each other, and the cross eyed guy said to the straight eyed guy.
“Why don’t you look where you are going?"
The straight eyed guy responded to the cross eyed guy.
“Why don’t you go where you are looking?"

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Rate this plzs my brother made so this if we dont get 2 kick аss rates he gonna beat the hеll at me

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A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the M25. Motorists have been asked to be on the lookout for 15 hardened criminals.

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The government is so sтuрid for having multiple life sentences ... Its like yea if you manage to live through one life time... we'll get your аss in the next one. That makes bout much sense as sterilizing lethal injection needles.

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Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just кill yourself.

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No one wished me a happy birthday today, not even my parents. But that makes sense considering it's not even my birthday yet.

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The truth is out there; it just hasn't been indexed well.

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You know his fantasy is to play his last NBA game вuтт-аss nакеd? Yeah. And you know something? I don't want to go to that game. But I bet he'll probably break the rebound record that night.

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Daer egnlihs taecher,
As lnog as the fisrt and lsat lertter are the smae you can sitll raed tihs
Sincrely,
Sellping is not taht imopratnt

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Why does Batman wear a mask?
Because the citizens of Gotham aren’t morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis.

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