Criminal Jokes

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As I pointed the gun in my wife’s face I said, “Any last words?”
Three hours later, I shot her.

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Skinny Bob has so far managed to stay out of trouble in prison. One morning he is in the shower when he drops the soap. All of a sudden, a huge bloke with a massive diск is standing behind him, grinning.
“No way out, mate, but I’ll give you a choice: with spit or without spit?”
Bob thinks quickly, shivers, and says, “Yeah, better with spit.”
“Spit!” shouts the huge bloke. “Come on in! The little guy wants a тhrееsоме.”

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She may be 45, but my wife has the body of an 18-year old… …
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…
She keeps it in the chest freezer.

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My brother won a TV quiz show by bribing the guy who sets the questions.
He’s a criminal mastermind.

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My wife was gang rареd by a troupe of mime artists.
They performed unspeakable acts on her.

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We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess. Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

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