Disability Jokes and Disabled Jokes

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The first person in the UK to have a double hand transplant will fulfill his ambition on Easter Monday to applaud the Leeds Rhinos rugby league team.
Personally my ambition would have been to have a wаnк.

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A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm….
‘I’d like to buy a horth’ he says.
What sort of horse?’, said the owner.
‘A female horth,’ the owner shows him a mare.
‘Nithe horth,’ says the dwarf, ‘can I thee her eyth?” The owner picks him up shows the eyes.
‘Nith eyth’, says the dwarf, ‘can I thee her teeth?’ The owner picks him up shows the teeth.
‘Nith teeth,’ he says ‘now can I see her twot?’ The owner picks him up and shoves his head deep inside the horses snатсh, pulls him out.
The dwarf shakes his head and says ‘Perhaps I should weefwaze that…
‘Can I see her wun awound?

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So a boy with a stutter goes to his psychiatrist.
Doctor says,” How are you?”
“Naaa naaat too good,” says stutter boy.
“Why is that?”-asks the doctor.
“My-my-my-my-my-my best friend he he he call me na-names!”-said the stutter boy.
“What’s he call you?”-asks the doctor.
“He call me d-d-d-donkey!”-said the stutter boy.
“So that рissеs you off does he call you that all the time or what ?” -inquiries the doctor.
“He-aw-hea-w-he-aw-he-always calls me fuскing d-d-donkey”-replies the stutter boy.

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The blind guy in work was telling me how he was getting sick of hearing people making jokes about him.
I said, “I see”

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Police today arrested a Thalidomide couple at Heathrow Airport.
They were charged under the terrorism act, for trying to take small arms onto a plane.

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The following coversation took place at a hosiptal in Alabama.
Patient: Doctor doctor, I‘ve got Aids, do you have a cure?
Doctor: Go home and eat all the food in your kitchen.
Patient: will that cure my aids?
Doctor: no but it will show you what your аrsе is used for

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I caught this сunт in the pub looking right at my wife’s аrsе in a queue and invited him outside.
Well I haven’t been in a fight in years, but dad always told me to kick ’em on their shins and I even took a run up to do it when he was taking off his coat.
Fcuk me, absolutely no effect, not even a wince and you know when you’re in trouble, so I just ran.
At first he chased, at one point gaining on me, but I said a little prayer and then thank fсuк, an act of God and he stopped dead in his tracks….
He’d got a puncture on his wheelchair.

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A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.
He hasn’t come out with any poems yet, but he’s made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

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I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

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Why do midgets make shiт parents?
Because they struggle to put food on the table.

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Just decided to run a marathon for charity. At first I didn’t want to do it but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning.

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I got a letter from my doctor the other day.
“Brilliant!” I said to my wife, “he says I must have daily sеx!”
“No, you sтuрid сunт,” she replied once she’d read it, “he says you must have dyslexia.”

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I went to my new girlfriends house for a meal and to meet her family yesterday.
While I was in the kitchen, she shouted for me to turn on the veg.
You should have heard the row when she caught me fingеring her disabled sister.

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My best friend went deaf last year and I told him everything would be alright but he wouldn’t listen.

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The cruel kids at school used to call me four eyes.
Still, quite a creative nickname seeing as I- I- I- I have a stutter..

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I met this girl on the weekend and took her home to meet my dad.
He whispered to me, “Where the fсuк did you get her from, son?! She’s cross-eyed, bow-legged, and she’s got no teeth!”
I replied, “There’s no need to whisper, Dad. She’s deaf as well.”

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Doctors can have a cruel sense of humor sometimes. Went to see the doctor about my hair becoming thin and he told me I have НIV… Hair Is Vanishing.

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My autistic brother recently got arrested after his first day at work as a taxi driver. I should never have told him to “knock em dead”.

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