Duck jokes

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A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken said..
"Dont do it man, you will never hear the end of it"

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The bodyguards of the POTUS used to shout "Get down, Mr. president!" during assassination attempts
Now they just say "Donald, duck"

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What happens when you call a duck?
His phone wings

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Little joke I thought of: What do you call a duck being kidnapped?
An abduction.
I'll quietly leave through this conveniently placed door.

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I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...
1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Соw. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

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What's the difference between Turkey and Duck?
Duck doesn't deny the Armenian Genocide.

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A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown:
"Quack!"

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Which mouse can walk with two legs? Mickey Mouse. But which duck can walk with two legs?
All of them dumbass

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What do you call a duck in a dark alleyway?
A quack dealer.

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What do you get when a drug addicted duck gets pregnant?
Quack babies

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One guy is returning from work with a duck under his shoulder.
The husband opens the door and the wife greets him.
Wife:
"Hello,honey."
Husband:
"See, I have been f*cking this pig for a while."
Wife:
"But, I see no pig?"
Husband:
"I wasn't talking to you."

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I just learned that my great grandpa was a duck
Turns out I’m a real quack

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Tinder told me there are 50000 hot american singles in my area
This vacation in Iran's gonna duck

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What did one duck say to the other that had lost it's voice?
How's it, quacka-lackin'?

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What’s so special about Mickey Mouse
What’s so special about Mickey Mouse: He walks two legged
What’s so special about Donald Duck: You guessed wrong all ducks stand on two feet

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A man is returning to the vet to see if a surgery was successful.
The vet says,
"Here's the bill. Unfortunately, we couldn't reattach it to your duck."

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You should have seen their faces when I showed up as Donald Duck at the costume party.
Yeah I was wearing no pants and I arrived with three boys who are not mine.

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From my 7 year old son: Why did the duck have to fix his bill?
Because it had a quack in it.

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