Funny sayings

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“I’m not lazy. I’m relaxed.”

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“I put the ‘pro’ in ‘procrastinate.’”

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“BYOW: Bring your own whine.”

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“I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.”

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“Never ask a starfish for directions.”

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“I am swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. 8 days ago.”

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“Chocolate doesn’t ask any questions. Chocolate simply understands.”

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“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”

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“Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.”

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“Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.”

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“The snorers are always the ones to fall asleep first.”

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“The true nature of a human being clearly shows when the supermarket opens a second checkout lane.”

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“The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.”

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“Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones at the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.”

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“Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesn’t change after I’ve had that coffee, but it feels much better.”

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“Hard work pays off in the future. Lounging on the couch pays off right now.”

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“The perfect man doesn’t swear, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t drink. He also doesn’t exist.”

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“There are days when you just want to envelop everybody with light and warmth… preferably through the use of a flamethrower.”

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