Funny sayings

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“I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!”

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“Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.”

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“When people tell me that I’ll regret something in the morning, I just sleep until noon. I’m a problem solver.”

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“Smile like a monkey with a new banana.”

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“Your bank account can always be overdrawn. It’ll never be overfilled.”

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“Sorry I’m late. I didn’t want to come.”

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“Halloween dress code requirements: whatever will get me most candy.”

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“I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.”

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“If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.”

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“I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.”

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“Dear math exercise book, kindly grow up finally and solve your own problems!”

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“I wouldn’t exactly say I’m lazy, but it’s a good thing that breathing is a reflex.”

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“An idea is only sтuрid if it doesn’t work.”

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“If the broom fits, fly it!”

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“I like to be an optimist. It рissеs people off.”

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“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.”

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“I refuse to have a battle of wits with an opponent so clearly unarmed.”

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“I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning, waving at me and winking.”

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