Jokes

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Wendys: uh lemme get a #2 with a drink. That'll be $12.35
Taco Веll: uh.. Lemme get the right side of the menu with a large drink. That'll be $5.46

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Carly Rae Jepsen: I threw a wish in a well
Me: How the fuск do you throw a wish in a we...
Carly Rae Jepsen: Don't ask me I'll never tell
Me: ... Yeah ok.

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What time does michal jackson go to bed
When the big hand touches the little one

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Thieves broke into the local movie theater and stole $240.
They took a bag of popcorn and a large drink.

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Why are scary movies always in creepy places like jails and hospitals? I want a scary movie in Walmart.
"Clean up on aisle 13"
"But sir... There is no aisle 13.." *dramatic music*

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Guy: Is your phone in your back pocket?
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because that аss is calling me.

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Blanket on = hot. Blanket off = cold. Blanket on with foot out = perfect.......... Until that dамn demon from paranormal activity drags you down the hall.

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Broccoli:
"I look like a tree."
Walnut:
"I look like a brain. "
Mushroom:
"I look like an umbrella."
Banana:
"Dude! Change the topic..."

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I need a 6 month vacation, twice a year

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Dear Pancakes,
Do you have little compartments for syrup? No? I didn't think so.
Sincerely, Waffles.

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Did you sit in a pile of sugar?
Because you've got a pretty sweet аss.

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Ke$ha:
"Вlоw!"
Bruno Mars:
"Grenade.."
Taio Cruz:
"Dynamite!"
Katy Perry:
"Firework.."
Britney Spears:
"Till the world ends!"
... Are they plotting something?

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Rate kickass only this if your name isn't Steve.

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Perfect has 7 letters
So does meeeeee
Coincidence? I think not

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What do Snooki and Hurricane Sandy have in common? They will вlоw the entire east coast to get on TV.

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About to watch The Day After Tomorrow, that should take my mind off the hurricane.

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What if Gangnam Style is actually just a giant rain dance and we brought this hurricane on ourselves?

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How's the name Hurricane Sandy threatening? If you really want to scare people, call it Hurricane DickSmash.

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