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Youre probably nакеd under those clothes you slut

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I just got gas for $1.29!
Too bad it was from Taco Веll...

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Boobytrap backwards is partyboob.
Carry on.

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Something To Do When You're Bored:
1. Catch a fly.
2. Put it in the freezer.
3. Wait 10 minutes.
4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious, not dead.
5. Pull out a strand of hair or a thin piece of string.
6. Tie it around the fly.
7. Wait till it wakes up.
BAM! Your very own pet fly

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Every Girl Wants A Guy
Who Hugs Her When They're Watching A Scary Or Romantic Movie,
Who Gives Her His Jacket Even When He Himself Is Feeling Cold,
Who Will Always Be The One To Make Her Laugh,
Most Importantly He Will Love Her For Who She Is !
That Guy Is What Google Calls "No Result Found!"

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Two spiders crawled under my keyboard.
I've got one under ctrl but the other managed to esc!

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When I was born I was given 2 choices, a big diск or good memory...
Unfortunately, I can't remember which one I picked.

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Mom: You haven't moved since I left 5 hours ago...
Me: Excuse me, where do you think these сhiрs came from?!

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Wood it be weird to make a tree joke?
Or should I leaf it alone?

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Three things I will never understand:
1. The meaning of life.
2. The universe.
3. How Spongebob and Patrick made those sound effects in that box

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No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don't Date December, Just me January, Forever alone February, No Match March.....
I got this.

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Hey my diск just died. Do you mind if i bury it in your аss?

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Sometimes when I get bored I cover myself in vasaline and crawl around the floor and pretend im a slug.

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I think I'm gonna order a pizza Monday night at 11:55pm and have them deliver it just so I can say, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I ORDERED THIS LAST YEAR!!"

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Today, I got a new Xbox 360, 4g Android phone, and $300 for free!
It's like this gun is MAGIC!

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There was a white guy, a Mexican guy, and a black guy. All three of them bring something from their country that they have too much of. All three of them climb the Eiffel tower. The Mexican brings tacos and says,
"We have to many of these in our country and throws the tacos off the Eiffel Tower". Next, the black guy brings wееd and says,
"We have to much of this in our country and throws them off the tower." Next, the white guy pushes the Mexican and the black guy off the Eiffel tower and says,
"We have to many of those in our country."

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I don't always make a New Years Resolution.... But when I do, I make sure to forget about it in a week.

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Simba was moving too slowly, so I told him to Mufasa!

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