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I can’t resist a bargain. So, when I saw that it was buy one box of tissues get two free at the supermarket I filled my trolley up.
Thinking about it now, I probably looked like a bit of a wаnкеr.

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When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

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That awkward moment when your watchimg TV with your perants Then it starts showing роrn.

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Just got a $20 voucher for my birthday. Why not just give me a $20 note so I can spend it anywhere without restrictions?

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Just had the following conversation with my boss.
Me:
“Sorry I’m not coming in today. Got chickenpox.”
Boss:
“Don’t give me that!”
Me:
“I won’t. I’m not coming in.”

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Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast!

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Why do pelicans hate taxes?
Because no matter where they turn, they still have an enormous bill in front of them!

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What do you do when balloons are hurt?
You helium.

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What did the German teacher say to the Jewish student?
Concentrate

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What do you call it when you мurdеr a gаy person?
HOMOcide

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What did the educated sweet potato say?
I think, therefore I yam.

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I told her that no sensible person would go out in the cold weather wearing nothing but a bikini.
So she went out with a little моrоn.

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I forgot where the sun came up....
Then it dawned on me.

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I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..

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What did the "T" say to "here"?
"Are we there yet?"

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The seabird had to have a rest during it's migration because it ran out of "petrel".

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My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's crying.
She's using sigh-cology.

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An Over the Line team was made up of chefs from a local restaurant. They all wore chef hats as part of their uniforms. One of them tried to wear two, but he was disqualified because, as a judge pointed out, it was just one-toque Over the Line.

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