Jokes

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I usually take steps to avoid elevators.

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Mattress: Nothing really mattress.
Armchair: Couldn't chair less.

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The scare crow got promoted to the manager at a supermarket, because he was outstanding in his field

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How do you measure the intelligence of a vegetable?
With an IQ-cumber!

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If quitters never win,
And winners never quit,
Who made up the saying?
Quit while you're ahead!

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What does Tiger Woods (golfer) and the Queen of England have in common?
Tee time.

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Did you hear about the mushroom that won gold at the Olympics? He was a champignon to his people.

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Do you want to hear a black joke?
No, ill slаvе it for later

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What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.

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Where do TVs go on vacation?
To remote islands!

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Why did the fungi leave the party?
There wasn't mushroom.

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Q. How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
A. Cancer.

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Me: Hey Miss have you seen the clown that hides from gаy people in Target?
Teacher:No I haven't
Me: Haha LOL
Teacher: Huh....... oh right that's funny detention at lunch.
Me: It was so worth it.

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Do you know the difference between unlawful and illegal?
One is against the law. The other is a sick bird.

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Mother and Father bought a deer meat for their children
They went back home and put the meat on the table but did not tell them what it was.
Father said: It is something yuor mother calls me (dear)
- --------
Daughter says: watch out! It must be an аss hole

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It's better to be short than not a tall.

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I tend to avoid funerals...
... I'm just not a mourning person.

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What do you call a bee that makes milk? ВООВIЕS!

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