Jokes

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What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year? A trophy.

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When I saw that вuтт, it took my breath away. I guess you could say I have аss-ma

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Why don't ghosts wear shoes?
They're sole-less!

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I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

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It's the annual hairdressing awards tonight. I hope I get home in time to catch the highlights????

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I just realised that I haven't done the hokey pokey in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it's all about.

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How does Joshua Huynh get girls?
He seduces them with his Secy awkwardness

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My psychiatrist recently told me I should stop avoiding conflicts so I’ve just booked a holiday to Syria.

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Just got fired from my job at Lastminute. Com, I kept turning up late.

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At an Italian wedding ceremony, the priest asked the bride, “Do you take Franco Giuseppe-Antonio to be your husband?”
The bride looking very confused said, “father, there is a mistake. I am only marrying Frank.”

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Definition of Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

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Why is there only one Yogi Bear?
Because the second one was a Boo-Boo.

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I’ve just got on the bus with my heavily pregnant girlfriend and not one person was polite enough to give up their seat for her. 10 minutes of me tutting, giving dirтy looks, etc, and still nobody would offer her their seat. In the end I was so angry,
I stood up and let her have MY fсuкing seat.

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I gave my liver a big surprise today, I actually drank a glass of water.

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Ours is a good restaurant, said the manager. “If you order an egg, you get the freshest egg in the world. If you order hot coffee, you get the hottest coffee in the world, and” -
“ I believe you,” said the customer. “I ordered a small steak”

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I saw a kidnapping...
So i let her sleep in

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I mustache you a question
But I'll Shave it for later

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Geology joke:
Girl: Hey grandma look at the granite I found!
Geologist grandma: Thats gneiss dear.
Girl: Thanks grandma! (runs off)
Geologist grandma: ?????

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