Jokes

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I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me. It's not my fault they don't have Windows.

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There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

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Two young skunks named -In-and-Out go out to play.
After a while Out got bored so he went in.
Mummy skunk said that tea was ready and sent Out, out to tell In to come in.
Very quickly Out came in with In.
That was quick said mummy skunk how did you find In so fast?
Oh said Out that was easy. “IN STINKED.”

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A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

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So taken 3 is out
600 bucks a ticket
150 for a drink
200 for popcorn
The only thing getting taken is my ass

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FATE is what you call it when you dont know the name of the person that is sсrеwing you over !

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Just lost 15 lbs on a new diet, it’s called ‘The Flu’.

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Bill: you wanna here a joke?
John: yeah
Bill: life

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I would sleep better at night if scientist’s could discover a cure for natural causes.

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I hate it when people see you at the supermarket and they ask you,"What are you doing here?"
And im just like,"Oh you know just hunting elephants."

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The trouble with playing air harp in public is that people always think you’re beckoning them over.

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Did you hear the Italian Government is going to put a clock on the Leaning Tower of Pisa? They figure what good is the inclination, if you don't have the time.

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Bill:
"Do you know what a satellite is?"
Phil:
"Sure. It's what you put on your horse if you're going to ride him after dark."

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Once you've seen a shopping center, you've seen a mall.

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A perfectionist walks into a bar.
Apparently, the bar wasn't set high enough for him.

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I hear Apple is designing a new car.
They are having trouble installing the windows

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I recently joined the Procrastinators' Club.
I showed up at a meeting, but it was postponed.

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The good thing about dating a blind girl is that you don't have to worry about her seeing anybody.

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