Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."

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Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless!

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Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he neverlands.

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What do you call someone without a nose or a body?
Nobodynose.

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Why are black people unable to get a PhD?
Because they can’t get past their masters.

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My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion.
I said, “yeah it’s pretty straightforward.”

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My wife and I are planning our 21st wedding anniversary celebration. Here lies the problem: she wants to go to Outback Steakhouse, I want sеx, and my mother-in-law thinks we should renew our vows at church. Well, I'm all for compromise, so we should have sеx outback of the church.

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I went to buy some Viаgrа online but my internet connection was down and it took me two days to get it up.

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What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

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Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.

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Q. What's a shark's favorite sandwich?
A. Peanut butter and jellyfish!

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How do birds fly?
They just wing it!

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My boyfriend is as beautiful as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein; what is his name?
Frankenstein.

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“Harry Potter” branded condoms.
“Protect your wand from Hogwarts while you’re Slytherin in her chamber of secrets”.

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What do you do with epileptic lettuce? – You make a seizure salad.

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I went to a really interesting lecture on kleptomania.
I took a lot from it.

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“Waiter, does that delightfully loud band of yours play at the guests’ requests?”
“Of course sir, what would you like them to play?”
“Billiards. At least until I’ve had the chance to finish my dinner in peace.”

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A guy had to ask his neighbor for help getting his new sofa inside the flat because it got stuck in the door.
After about twenty minutes of vigorous pushing and maneuvering, the guy pants, “I think we’ll have to call it a day. There’s no way we’re getting it inside.”
The neighbor looks at him slowly, “Wait, inside?!”

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