Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?
No.
Wow. You’d better see somebody then.

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A couple goes to the cinema. “Two tickets, please,” says the man.
“Hobbit?” asks the cashier lady.
“No, that’s my wife.”

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It is generally believed that talking with your mouth full is rude.
Personally, I find talking with your head empty much worse.

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Wives are strange creatures. Mine sometimes waits up for me till I come home at 3 am to ask me whether I know what time it is.

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“Excuse me sir, could you please close that window? It’s terribly cold outside.”
“And you seriously think it’s going to get any warmer outside when I close it?!”

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“I’d really like to have enough money to buy a white tiger!”
“What on Earth would you do with a white tiger?!”
“Who said I’d get a white tiger? I just want that much money!”

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A guy comes to work too late. The boss is angry and asks where he’s been. The guy replies, “I’m sorry, boss, I fell out of the window.”
The boss retorts, “OK but come on, you weren’t falling for an hour!”

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What does the lightbulb say when it’s being unscrewed?
I’m feeling delighted…

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How do you pick up a girl at a bar?
Just smash some ice cubes in front of her and say, “Now that the ice between us is broken, what would you like to drink?”

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You need something in your life that will set you on fire!
It’s a bit late to leave it for the crematorium.

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A guy comes in a phone shop and says he’d like to buy a Samsung.
“Model?” asks the shop girl.
“No, I’m a plumber, but thank you very much!”

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A man goes with his e-bike to a bike shop and says, “I’d like to have a веll for my bike here.”
The dealer smiles greedily, “Bargain, we have a deal!”

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Two former friends are catching up at a class reunion:
“So what are you up to these days? Got a good job?”
“Yeah, I can’t complain. I’ve roughly 450 people under me.”Wow, that’s impressive! What is it you do?”
“I mow the lawn at the cemetery.”

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Q. Why did the apple run away?
A. Because the banana split!

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A lot of people cry when they cut an onion. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

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Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.

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Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade.
Utkarsh:
"What are you doing these days?"
Sparsh:
"Phd."
Utkarsh:
"Wow! You're a doctor!"
Sparsh:
"No, Pizza Home Delivery."

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There were two cannibals who captured a man. They decided it would be fair if they started eating from opposite ends. After a few minutes, the one who started at the head asked the other one, "How's it going down there?" And the other one replies,
"I'm having a ball!"

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