Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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What did one hat say to another?
You stay here, I’ll go on a head.

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How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.

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Did you hear about the guy who drank 8 Cokes?
He burped 7Up.

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Why is a swordfish's nose 11 inches long?
Because if it were 12 inches long, it would be a foot!

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A woman answered the doorbell with a man standing on her porch. The man said,
"I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat and I would like to replace it for you." The woman replied, "Well that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

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What do you call a duck that steals?
A Robber Duck.

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A man dining at a restaurant flagged down his waiter and said,
"Excuse me. I have a bee in my soup." The waiter replied, "Yes sir. Didn't you order the alphabet soup?"

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My mom drinks Diet Coke despite knowing full well of the repercussions to her health. You might say she's a sodamasochist.

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Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming.

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What did the janitor yell when he jumped out of the closet?
"Supplies!"

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Can a match box?
No, but a tin can.

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I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

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Someone asked me, "Now that you are retired, do you still have a job?" I replied, "Yes I am my wife's sеxuаl adviser." Somewhat shocked, they said,
"I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple," I answered, "My wife has told me that when she wants my fuскing advice, she'll ask me for it."

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What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a 1,000 letters?
Post office.

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What city are you in when you drop your waffle on the beach?
Sandy Eggo.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it's two tired.

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Did you hear abut the hungry clock?
It went back four seconds.

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Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
They always get stuck at "c."

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