Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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Why do pirates not know the alphabet?
They always get stuck at "c."

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Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A flasher ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a sтrоке and the third couldn't reach.

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I'm in trouble with my next door neighbors. I went over to their house recently to jump on there tramperleen. I had just got on when I heard a voice say, "Hey you, get off my daughter Erleen!"

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What did one wall say to the other wall?
"Meet you at the corner!"

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Why is a river rich?
It has banks on both sides.

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What do u call a seagull flying over the bay?
A bagel.

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A nакеd man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the оrgаn.

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What do you give a pig who wins a medal at the Olympic games?
A pork medallion.

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There are 2 cats. The one two three cat and the un deux trois cat. They had a race across the English Channel. Which cat won? The one two three cat because the un deux trois cat cinq.

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A drunк staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunк, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunк says,
"I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first."

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Why did the house go to the doctor?
It was having window pains.

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When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, what happens?
Ucla.

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A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand. He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette. His arm instantly catches on fire. The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to вlоw out the flames crawling up his sleeve. A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for an unlicensed firearm.

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What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A:
"A miner be flat" (A minor B-flat).

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On what kind of ships do students study? A: Scholarships.

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What did Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? "Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant."

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What do you call a wandering caveman?
A meanderthal.

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I'm thinking of becoming a hitman... I heard they make a killing.

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