Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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What do you get if you cross a rhino with an elephant?
I don’t know but it’s not relevant.

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A girl is having sеx with her boyfriend at her parent’s house. Her father, after being awakened by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.
“Dad!” she exclaimed in a panic “… I’m sorry”
The dad being a dad replies “Hello, Sorry! I’m Dad!”
He then turns to the boyfriend and asks “Are you fuскing Sorry?”

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I accidentally ate too much alphabet soup yesterday and had a huge vowel movement.

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A clown opened the door for me today.
It was a nice jester.

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My Welsh mate was found dead yesterday.
He died the way he would have wanted to go…
He passed away peacefully in his sheep

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My door веll rang this morning.
I didn’t even know it had a phone.

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My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.
I asked her, “What can I do to stop my addiction?”
She said, “Whatever means necessary.”
“No it doesn’t,” I said.

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Word of the Day: Eskihoe - A girl that wears UGG boots and a miniskirt at the same time.

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I saw a sign in a shop- ‘Mosquito nets £10’
I didn’t even know bugs could play the lottery.

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When asked what it was like getting over a Viаgrа addiction my buddy said,”Well my first few days were the hardest.”

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My wife said “I bet you can’t go a whole day without telling a period joke.”I said “You’re on.”

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Einstein developed a theory about space.
It was about time too.

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I said to my wife, “There’s a rumor going around that I got drunк and had sеx with a Chinese transvestite last night, don’t believe it, it’s not true.”
“Where did it come from?” she asked.
I said, “Thailand.”

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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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A terrorist attack has blown away 2 local houses - one made of straw and the other made of wood.
Police think that it’s probably a lone wolf.

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It was easy money playing poker with a bunch of origami enthusiasts.
They just kept folding.

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I got an e-mail saying ‘At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!’
I thought, “That’s just spam.”

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I wouldn’t want to fly Virgin. Who’d want to fly an airline that doesn’t go all the way?

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