Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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A girl is having sеx with her boyfriend at her parent’s house. Her father, after being awakened by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.
“Dad!” she exclaimed in a panic “… I’m sorry”
The dad being a dad replies “Hello, Sorry! I’m Dad!”
He then turns to the boyfriend and asks “Are you fuскing Sorry?”

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I accidentally ate too much alphabet soup yesterday and had a huge vowel movement.

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If you think your microwave spying on you is bad…
Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.

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My Welsh mate was found dead yesterday.
He died the way he would have wanted to go…
He passed away peacefully in his sheep

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My door веll rang this morning.
I didn’t even know it had a phone.

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My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.
I asked her, “What can I do to stop my addiction?”
She said, “Whatever means necessary.”
“No it doesn’t,” I said.

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Word of the Day: Eskihoe - A girl that wears UGG boots and a miniskirt at the same time.

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I saw a sign in a shop- ‘Mosquito nets £10’
I didn’t even know bugs could play the lottery.

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When asked what it was like getting over a Viаgrа addiction my buddy said,”Well my first few days were the hardest.”

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My wife said “I bet you can’t go a whole day without telling a period joke.”I said “You’re on.”

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Einstein developed a theory about space.
It was about time too.

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Teacher: What did Napoleon do?
Child: He pulled his воnе apart!

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Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m OK, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

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A terrorist attack has blown away 2 local houses - one made of straw and the other made of wood.
Police think that it’s probably a lone wolf.

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It was easy money playing poker with a bunch of origami enthusiasts.
They just kept folding.

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I got an e-mail saying ‘At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!’
I thought, “That’s just spam.”

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I wouldn’t want to fly Virgin. Who’d want to fly an airline that doesn’t go all the way?

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Had to fire my personal Trainer.
He dint do squat.

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