Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.

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I was wondering why the ball kept getting вiggеr and вiggеr, and then it hit me.

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Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

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A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.

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What is Mozart doing right now? – Decomposing.

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Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."

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I bought a dog from a blacksmith …..
As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door.

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I once thought I had a Japanese friend…. But it was just my imagine Asian.

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An ego and a superego walk into a bar. …
…
The bartender says “I’ll have to see some id”

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I was walking along the pavement and there was this sign that said, “Pavement ahead closed. Please use other side.”
It made me cross.

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A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a вееr. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.

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Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.

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Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?
A: Walnuts.
Q: What do you call nuts on your chest?
A: Chestnuts.
Q: What do you call nuts on your сhin?
A: A реnis in your mouth.

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Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles?
People say he was half-nuts!

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Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common?
A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.

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Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
A: Hella.

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Q: How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A: A buck an ear.

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E.T.
Q: What's E.T. short for?
A: Because he has little legs.

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