Play on words | Double meaning jokes

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Daffy-Nition: … Mother-in-Law (n.) [muhth -er in Law] …
A сrаскеr who is majoring in Law at Tuskegee Institute.

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“This is my step-dad”
“It’s nice son, but why on earth did you build one?”

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Having a mobile makes it really easy to cheat on my wife.
My son stands behind her and texts me what cards she’s got in her hand.

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I always thought i had a good imagination…
But it turns out it was just my imagination

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My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.

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Last night I tried to go out for an Italian Meal, but there was a huge, fат woman standing in the doorway.
I couldn’t get pasta.

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My friend asked me to come up with Eleven jokes about The Australian Open.
I think Tennis enough.

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I used to work in the woods as a lumberjack...
But just couldn't hack it...
So they gave me the ax!

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I went to the library to get a medical book on abdominal pain.
Somebody had ripped the appendix out.

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A Grammar freak arrogant wife texts to her husband...
You are as useless as "ueue" in the word Queue.

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What happened when the рrоsтiтuте approached the undercover cop?
Her proposition ended with a sentence.

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Why do Asian women have small тiтs?
Because only A’s are acceptable.

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Teacher : What’s your favourite letter ?
Student: The letter G.
Teacher : Why is that Angus ?

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Just had sеx in an Apple Orchard.
I came in cider.

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What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain bagel.

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I was bored at work yesterday, so I gave a colleague a clock and told him to give it to someone else.
I had to do something to pass the time.

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I walked into an explosives shop the other day and wanted to buy a grenade with my debit card.
It all went horribly wrong when the cashier asked for my pin.

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We had a really wild party last weekend. Everyone was feeling merry …
…
So Mary went home. ….
…
Then all the guys jumped for Joy …

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