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Me and my twin brother are always finishing each others sentences. The prison wardens are none the wiser.
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Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled.
I laughed at the irony.
Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
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I met the girl of my dreams at church yesterday. While we were rhythmically and repeatedly singing the same words over and over again to a hypnotic drum beat, we both landed eyes on each other from across the room. I guess you could say we met by chants.
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Just watched some Мidgет Wrestling. It was a short fight.
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A spider just crawled onto my keyboard.
Don’t worry, it’s under ctrl.
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My wife said she’s leaving me due to my obsession with breakfast cereals. I replied cheerios then.
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Let’s get one thing clear.
My internet history before the wife gets back.
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I had to stop eating clocks, it was too time consuming.
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I own two people carriers.
Although I prefer the term ‘testicles’.
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I walked into the library and said, “I’m looking for a brand new book for people who enjoy smelling each other’s farts. Is it in yet?”
“Don’t hold your breath,” said the librarian.
“That’s the one,’ I replied.
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It wasn’t much fun having a broken neck, but now I can look back and laugh.
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I just performed an illusion in front of a group of horrified onlookers in the middle of Oxford.
I grabbed hold of my реnis, completely severing it from my body and held it above my head.
It’s the first time I’d performed any magic in public and to be honest, I can’t believe I pulled it off.
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All I got for my last birthday was a pack of sticky playing cards.
I found it really hard to deal with.
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I checked an anti-gravity book out of the library…
I just can’t put it down.
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I was really ticked at my woman tonight, so I stapled her fun bags together.
If ya can’t liск ’em, join ’em.
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A Red Indian introduced me to his wife… “This is four horses…..”
I said, ‘Wow, that’s a beautiful name, What does it mean….?”
He said, nag,nag,nag,nag!
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Grrr why is it so hard to get a qsn stick in the right way! Dаммiт I mean a usb stick.
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When a redhead goes bonkers, gingеr snaps!
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