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For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive.
I think I’m being stalked.
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For Sale: Replica Fisherman’s Knife (Made To Scale).
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Being calm is not something I rate.
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The Olympics feature the world record longest hyphen event, the 400 metre dash.
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I wanted to ask my English teacher to marry me when she got out of jail… …
But apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition…
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Why do people never admit to being just the right amount of whelmed?
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I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane
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First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
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Scratching my head trying to recall… What was the name of that hair salon next to the graveyard?
I’ve got it! It’s called “Curl Up and Dye.”
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I’ve just bought the personalised number plate BAA BAA.
For my black jeep.
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A very sad event occurred last night: the Energizer Bunny, after going and going for so long has unfortunately passed away.
The official medical report states that Mr. Bunny died from a Heart Attack brought on by sеxuаl over stimulation.
It seems that someone had put his batteries in backwards and he kept coming…and coming…and coming……
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I spy, with my little i, a lawsuit from Apple.
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I had to fire my tennis doubles partner today.
I told him his services were no longer required.
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I popped into Tesco last night to get some oxo cubes but couldn’t see any on the shelf, they must be out of stock!
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Upon seeing my wife and my mate fuскing in our bed, I noticed that they made a very beautiful couple.
So I clubbed them together
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If anyone ever tells you they’ve lost their voice,
They’re lying.
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When I lived on a houseboat I was seeing the girl next door, but eventually we drifted apart.
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I’ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.
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