A typical family of hillbillies, Paw , Maw , Jethro and little Sally.
One day, Jethro asked, “Paw, what is Sеx?”
Paw says, “Since you are a big boy I will show you.”
Paw hollers, “Maw get yourself in here!”
Paw then says,”Maw, take your clothes off and get on the bed. Now spread your legs.”
Paw says,”Jethro see that thar little hole? Now watch this!”
In the midst of Paw’s demonstration Little Sally comes in and exclaims, “What is going on?
“Jethro answers, “Paw is teaching me about sеx.
“Little Sally asks, “What is Sеx?
“Jethro replies, “See that little hole on Paw? Now watch this!”
An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father says to his oldest son, “Tony, why you-a such a fат-a fсuк?”
Tony says, “Poppa, it’s-a Mama’s spaghetti! I can’t-a stop-a eating it.
“Poppa says, “You should-a take-a smaller bites!”
Then Poppa says to his middle son, “Michael, why you-a such a fат-a fсuк?”
Michael says, “Poppa, it’s-a Mama’s lasagna. I can’t-a stop-a eating it, it’s-a so good.”
Poppa says, “You should-a also take-a smaller bites.”
Then Poppa says to his youngest son, “Fredo, how you-a stay so slim-a and-a trim-a?”
Fredo says, “It’s-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a lots and lots of-a рussy.”
Poppa says, “Рussy? Рussy, that’s-a taste like shiт!”
Fredo says, “Poppa, You should-a take-a smaller bites!!
I was chatting up the gorgeous barmaid from my local last night when My mate said to me, “when I fcuked her, no matter how hard a tried I couldn’t get her to moan”
My other mate then said, “Yea, I had the same problem when I fcuked her”
“Ok then lads , watch and learn. When I leave here with this girl, follow me back to my house and I’ll keep bedroom window open so you can hear” I said with a smile on my face.
After a couple more drinks, me and the girl left with my mates following half hour later.
When they arrived at my house, all they could hear was this woman screaming and moaning.
The next day my mates said to me, “Fсuкing hеll, how did you manage that?
“Well lads” I replied, “in situations like that, you have to use your head”
It has been revealed that the latest research shows more money is now spent on воов jobs and Viаgrа than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, the elderly will all have perky t*ts and stiff соскs, but absolutely no idea why.
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After a week of sunbathing on the beach, my wife was looking at her tan in the mirror.
“That’s weird,” she said, “my armpits are still white.”
“I’m not surprised,” I replied. “When you go торlеss, that’s where your t*ts end up.”
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My missus dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled, “You’re being charged with being good in bed…” After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence.
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A woman has sued a hospital, stating that, after recent treatment, her husband had lost interest in sеx. The doctors replied: ‘All we did was correct his eyesight’
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I heard the sеxuаl moans of my neighbors girlfriend the other night. So in my best mortal combat voice I yelled “FINISH HEEEEER” they laughed.
20 minutes later I heard him scream “ROUND TWO… FIGHT”
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I knew this girl who wanted вiggеr воовs, but couldn’t afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine. Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden тiт?
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I was waiting at the bus stop when a fат woman waddled up.
“When’s it due, love?” I asked.
“You cheeky ваsтаrd!” she spat.
“The bus, chubby,” I said. “Who’d want to fсuк you?”
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My new girlfriend just said, “After an оrgаsм, I like to kiss and cuddle, then fall asleep in each others arms. What about you?”
I said, “I usually delete my browsing history and throw the tissues away.”
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My girlfriend asked, “Do you want to get married?”I said, “Sure.”She said, “Great, when?”
I said, “Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl.”
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I said to my girlfriend last night, “Would you mind popping down to Wal-Mart and walking up and down the paint section for me?”
“What for?” she replied.
I said, “Because you can get thinner there you fат вiтсh.”
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Old Man1: My hands shake so badly, that I always cut my face while shaving.
Old Man2: That’s nothing. While рissing yesterday, I masturbated twice!!
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