Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

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Lenin dies and goes to Sаinт Peter to tell him whether to go to hеll or heaven.
There was a big problem among the saints because the half of them wanted him to hеll and the other half in Paradise.
Then they asked God, who of course tells them to go to Неll.
After a week of being in hеll, devil visited St. Peter and complained:
"This Lenin will destroy me. One week in Неll only and he has already started their courses and demonstrations."
St. Peter much forced agrees to accept Lenin in Paradise.
From that day and then there was a disturbing silence.
After two months St. Peter goes to heaven and he sees what?
Everyone sitting around and Lenin standing in the middle and talking.
Among the distinguished listeners the Sаinт recognises Jesus Сhrisт.
He calls him and says:
"God will punish you"
And he answers:
"Who? God? But God does not exist."
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The Captain called the Sergeant in.
"Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday.
Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
"Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers.
The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance.
Oh by the way, Smith, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office.
"Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Smith his mother died.
Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that James mother died.
You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me.
This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation.
"Ok, men, fall in and listen up."
"Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward."
"Not so fast, James!"
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Пуст остров 5 άντρες και 1 γυναίκα ναυαγοί На един кораб имало 100 моряци и една жена На един остров след корабокрушение останали 100 мъже и една жена. Deux hommes et une femme sont naufragés sur une île. Ils assouvissent à trois leurs besoins sexuels.Au bout de quelques semaines След корабокрушение Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island. Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because... Nach einem Schiffsunglück können sich drei Männer und eine Frau auf eine einsame Insel retten. Natürlich hatten sie auch gewisse Bedürfnisse. Daher beschließen sie 1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week 3 menn og ei lekker blondine strandet på ei øde øy. - Etter 3 uker sider dama: "Nå orker jeg ikke dette griseriet lenger 30 de bărbaţi şi o femeie naufragiază pe o insulă pustie. După 30 de zile Kuģa katastrofa. Uz neapdzīvotas salas izsēdina 40 vīriešus un vienu sievieti. Pēc nedēļas sieviete paziņo: Nē
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Du bist der Nächste Като съм на сватба Per 15 anni ho continuato a sentire le mie zie ai matrimoni dei parenti dire: Quand j’étais plus jeune Damals als KLEINER JUNGE auf diversen HOCHZEITSFEIERN: Die Bekannten sagten immer zu mir und mit einem breiten Grinsen: Deux potes discutent : I've 3 aunts and 4 uncles in any ceremony of wedding they mention me : "oh Cómo hacer que la gente deje de molestarte con: "¿Cuándo te vas a casar?" Mis tías solían acercarse a mí en las bodas Dois amigos conversam: — Cara Wspomnienia kolesia: - Jak byłem kawalerem Wie habe ich das gehasst: Als ich jung war und zu einer Hochzeit eingeladen wurde I used to hate weddings Jag har tröttnat på att gå på begravning Før i tiden hatet jeg å gå i bryllup. Hver gang jeg var i ét Cuando voy a una boda todas mis tías mayores se me acercan para picarme entre risas Bestemor dunket barnebarnet i ryggen i et brylup og sa: – Neste gang er det din tur. Hun sluttet med det når jeg sa det samme i til henne i en begravelse. Vroeger had ik een hekel aan trouwfeesten met familie. Elke keer weer kwamen er ooms en tantes op me af die me een por in m'n zij gaven en dan zeiden: "En nu jij nog hé!" Ze zijn ermee opgehouden... Mes tantes avaient toujours l’habitude de s’approcher de moi lors des mariages et de me dire en me pinçant les hanches : « Tu seras le prochain ». Elles arrêtèrent après que j’ai commencé à leur... Immer wenn ich auf Hochzeiten ging Ich hasse Hochzeiten. Da kommen immer alle Tanten und Omas und sagen du bist der Nächste. Seit ich das auf Beerdigungen mach When I was single I had this old aunt that use to come up to me at family weddings and poke me in the ribs and say Бабці на весіллях часто говорили мені "ти наступна". Вони перестали так казати після того Холостяк розповідає: — Раніше на весіллях бабульки штрикали мене пальцем під ребра і питали: "Ти наступний?" Вони перестали це робити Kad biju jaunāka
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