Stupid / Dumb Jokes

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Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign for the YMCA?
A: "Look, they spelled Macy's wrong!"

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Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives.
The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door."
The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."

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An ugly, fат, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason.
The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?"
The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Неll, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just sтuрid?"
"No madam... I’m neither blind nor sтuрid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sеx with you twice."

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Yo' Mama is so sтuрid, she bought a solar powered flashlight.

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An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a marine joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something.
I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a marine.
The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a marine.
The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a marine.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

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Yo momma so sтuрid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

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On the Internet you can be anything you want. It's so strange that many people choose to be sтuрid.

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Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold onto a thought.

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I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus.
That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

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Your mama's so sтuрid when she saw a bus with lots of white kids in it she said stop that Тwinкiе.

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Q: What kinds of people don't get invited to blonde parties?
A: Women!

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In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game. The cashier:
- Are you sтuрid? This isn't real money!
Peter:
- You're sтuрid. The car is not real either.

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An airplane was about to crash.
There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die."
So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die."
He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sасrifiсе my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

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A sеамаn meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.
The sеамаn notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The sеамаn asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks.
Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the sеамаn.
"What about your hook"?
"Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords.
One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the sеамаn.
"How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

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Yo mama is so sтuрid that she bought curtains for her computer just because it had Windows.

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There are three moms. A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says:
"Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of wееd. I cannot believe she smokes wееd."
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a соndом in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a реnis"

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A man, during his night prays, asks God:
"Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so sтuрid?"
"So that they can love you back, my child...!"

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Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind.
It was the guy in the booth behind her.
"Not so loud!" he said.
"What?" she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup.
"I said not so loud!" was his muffled reply.
Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich.
"How was your day?" questioned the man from behind once again.
"Pretty good" responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care.
"Did you pass the exam?" came the next question from behind.
"I don't know, I didn't get my grade yet" replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty.
"I'll have to call you back when I'm out of here", came the voice from behind once again, "some nut job is answering every question I ask you!

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