Wedding jokes

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Feeling sentimental during our anniversary, my wife asked, “Do you remember the first time we had sеx?”
My reply, “I don’t even remember the last time we had sеx.”, ended the night rather abruptly.

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I didn’t fаrт in front of my wife until we were married.
I don’t think the vicar was impressed.

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After a рiкеy wedding caused a mass riot recently, the best man ended up in court. In front of the judge, he was trying to explain the traditions of a ‘romany’ wedding:
Рiкеy Best Man: “Well, it was like this, your honour: as it is a custom for the best man to have the first dance with the bride, which I was, nice and close like, the groom comes over and kicks the bride in the сunт as hard as he could.”
Judge: “Gosh, that must have hurt.”
Рiкеy Best Man: “Hurt? You’re not kidding me - he broke three of me fuскing fingers.”

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What’s long, hard and given to a Ukrainian bride on her wedding night?
A new last name.

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I’m having my wedding reception at McDonald’s.
It will be my last ever happy meal.

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The other day it was me and my wive’s wedding anniversary, and I told her that to me she was like Неrоin.
”Why, because once you try me you come back for more?” She giggled.
”No”, I replied, ”because you ruin peoples lives.”

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Dinner at my in-laws place was ruined when they called me a filthy реdо.
Just because I’m 28 and she’s 18 doesn’t make me a реdорhilе.
It really ruined out 10th anniversary.

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Birthdays can be really nice … …
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But I heard that too many of them can кill you

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How do you tell a Polish bride at her wedding?
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She’s the pregnant girl in the white gown…

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My wife’s рissеd off with me for ruining our anniversary.
I’m not sure whether it’s because I took her to a Buy 1 Get 1 Free pub, or the fact I insisted that my meal was the free one.

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At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride,
“As you give your daughter’s hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him.”
The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride’s hand on his son-in-law’s arm and said.
“No deposit, no return.”

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My wife and I were out for an anniversary meal.
“Eurgh. Did you just pick your nose and wipe it under the table?” she asked.
“Errrrrr. How did you know?”
“It’s a glass table”.

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