What is the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem, you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.
What does an accountant do for birth control?
A. He talks about his business.
What is an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
What is an insolvency practitioner?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
There are just three types of accountants:
Those who can count and those who can't.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?
The accountant knows he is boring.
How was copper wire invented?
Two accountants were arguing over a penny.
What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's/she's talking to you instead of his/her own.
Accountants don't die, they just lose their balance.
What's an accountant's idea of trashing his/her hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
What's a shy and retiring accountant?
An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's/she's retiring.
What's an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humor.
Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
Invite an accountant.
What is GAAP (generally accepted accounting principles)?
The difference between accounting theory and practice.
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