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Do I have to remove the cheating husband before I throw the ring in the volcano?

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Two women chat:
Does your fiancé have a stutter?
Yes, but no worries. Once we’re married, I’ll be the one doing the talking.

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Women have ovaries. Interestingly, they are the reason why they sometimes оvаry act.

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Women can be wonderfully satisfied with only 3.5 inches. No matter if it’s a Mastercard or a Visa.

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Terrorism strikes no fear in my heart. I’ve been married for years.

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Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Caller, “I’m hearing you real bad.”
Me (without changing anything), “Better now?”
Caller, “Yes.”

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Jokes

I clean five hours ahead before I have guests over, just to be able to say:
“Sorry it's usually not this messy.” In reality, I’m seeing the floor for the first time in months.

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Jokes

Honey, do you find me very fат?
How do I put this, darling – I know four very fат people. And you’re two of them!

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Jokes

“I’ve had enough of your constant demands. It's too much for me. I can't stand it anymore, it hurts!”
Fitness coach, “Come on man. It was just one push up.”

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Jokes

Doctor to Mrs. Spew:
“Is your daughter always stuttering like that?”
Mrs. Spew shakes her head:
“No, only when she wants to say something.”

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Jokes

My doctor sent me for a prostate exam to the nearest hospital.
I went, reluctantly, got called in the office and patiently suffered through the - frankly very personal - examination.
When the examining surgeon left, a nurse came in and asked a question that sent shivers down my soul:
“Who the heck was that?”

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Jokes

May 2020 horoscope:
Aries (March 21 – April 20) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Taurus (April 21 – May 21) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Gemini (May 22 – June 21) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Cancer (June 22 – July 22) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Leo (July 23 – August 22) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Libra (September 23 – October 23) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Scorpio (October 24 – November 22) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 20) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Aquarius (January 21 – February 20) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.
Pisces (February 21 – March 20) – You’ll be spending a lot of time at home.

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Jokes

Two grandmas, Agnes and Esme, are meeting at a café. They’re having a nice chat over cake and coffee when suddenly Agnes remarks, “Um, Esme, you seem to have a suppository in your left ear…”
Esme is surprised and fishes the suppository out of her ear, looks at it for a while and sighs, “Well I guess I know where to find my hearing aid then.”

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Jokes

What is the most dangerous sports in the world?
Being the goalie in soccer. The other team just keeps shooting at you.

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Jokes

At a job Interview:
“What are your strengths?”
“I take matters in my own hands.”
“Ok, thank you. We will contact you.”
“No, I will contact you.”

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Jokes

The boss stops an employee one morning, “Hastings, do you smell of cheap liquor?!”
“You can bet that on this salary, it ain’t no Champagne.”

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Jokes

I was walking past a clothes shop and saw a beautiful dress in the shop window. I went in and asked the shop assistant, “Hi, can I please try on the dress in the shop window?”
“Of course,” nodded the shop assistant, “but you know we also have changing rooms, right?”

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Jokes

Women:
“Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.”
2 million hours – The average time men spend trying to find out why their darling is angry with them.

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Jokes