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What does it mean when there’s a black flag hanging out on a company building?
They’re advertising an unexpected vacancy.

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Good jokes

Breaking news: Yesterday morning, terrorists occupied the strategically placed Jameson whiskey distillery in Dublin. They still haven’t been able to formulate their demands.

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What’s the difference between a running and a flying mouse?
The flying one has a hawk attached to its back.

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Husband:
“Do you want some fries, honey?”
Wife:
“No, they just make me fат.”
*** WARNING! From now on, every sentence could be deadly. ***

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Jury. A group of people selected to decide which side has the best lawyer.

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My wife left me, went away. At first I was sad, lonely and didn’t know what to do with myself. But I bought a motorbike, threw a wild, loud party and got to meet some other women. I think my wife may not be so pleased when she comes back again from work.

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Honey, somebody vomited in my favorite mug.
Come on! I made lentil soup for you!

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A boy and a girl kissed and hugged in a public swimming pool. Guess who needed 5 minutes longer to get out of the water?

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A guy walks into a bar and says urgently to the bartender, "Give me a вееr before trouble starts!" He drinks his вееr and orders another, again saying, "Give me a вееr before trouble starts!" The bartender is confused but lets it go for another two beers, when he finally asks, "Hey man, when are you gonna pay for those beers?" The guy answers, "And now the trouble starts!

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Getting fат wasn’t my intention. It was a pure and clear snaccident.

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Two bears are observing an approaching group of knights in shiny armors.
“Ah well,” sighs one of them, “canned lunch it is.”

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I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up. Hopefully, she’ll realize the two of us are not going to work out.

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“Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!” Ogden Nash

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Christmas Jokes

Jedi knights have an extra advantage at Christmas. They can feel the presents.

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Christmas Jokes

Santa Claus climbs down a chimney into the family living room and wow, there’s an amazing, fully nакеd blonde woman. She winks at him meaningfully.
Santa clutches his head, “If I do it, no way will I make it to heaven. If I don’t do it, no way will I make it back up the chimney!”

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Christmas Jokes

Advent calendars are an inspiration to us all. They are so jolly – and yet their days are numbered…

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Christmas Jokes

Doctor, I can’t get rid of the idea that I’m a Christmas веll, please help!
Very well, take these pills twice daily and if they don’t work, give me a ring.

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Christmas Jokes

How do reindeer amuse themselves during the long year?
They play stable-tennis.

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Christmas Jokes