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Mother in law jokes

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Генко кара колата. Жена му все мърмори:
A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.
The women just won’t leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You’re driving too fast!"
His wife says, "Stay more to the left."
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who’s driving this car – you or your mother?"
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Office executive: "Sir, can I have a day off next week to visit my mother-in-law?"
Boss: "Certainly not!"
Office executive: "Thank you so much sir! I knew you would be understanding."
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Q: What is a difference between "accident " and "tragedy"?
A: Suppose you with the family are beside a pool. You suddenly push your mother in law into the pool - so it's an accident. If she could swim and gets out, in that case, it's a tragedy!
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My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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I haven't spoken to the mother in law for 6 months now... apparently, it's rude to interrupt!
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One night my mother in law came to our home.
In the middle of the night suddenly I was awakened by a horrible sound from WC.
She farted.
I was so angry that shouted and said: "Your food is under your feet and your weapons are complete get out and go to fight with ISIS!"
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Двама канибали вечерят. Пара людоедов у костра. Один - другому: Deux cannibales discutent : - J'aime pas du tout Un caníbal almorzando en la tienda de otro caníbal amigo le dice: Después de todo lo que te he contado entiendes por qué me cae tan mal mi suegra. Entonces le contesta el otro: ¡Sí! Dois canibais estavam almoçando Kannibal familien sitter rundt middagsbordet da lillebror plutselig utpasjonerer at han ikke liker naboen.  Nei vel Middagsprat mellom to kanibaler: – Jeg liker ikke nabokjerringa. – Nei vel 2 kannibaler sidder sammen og spiser Deux cannibales sont en train de déjeuner. Soudain Kannibalerna äter lunch. Den ena säger plötsligt: – Jag tycker inte om din fru. – Du kan väl äta upp potatisen åtminstone. Povídají si dva kanibalové. "Hele poslyš Cannibali. “Tuo fratello non mi piace!!!”. “Almeno mangia le patate!!!” Det var två kannibaler som satt och åt middag då den ena sa: - Jag gillar inte min fru. - Du kan väl åtminstone äta upp din potatis? Det var kväll och två kannibaler satt och åt vid en öppen eld. Då sa den ene: - Jag tycker inte om din dotter. Då svarade den andre surt: - Jag fattar det C'est l'histoire de deux cannibales qui sont à table
Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family.
"I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one.
"That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
I'm Mr, Farter.
Mr, Farter who?
I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
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Un gars dit à un autre : Мутра отива при ветеринарен лекар и води немска овчарка. Una signora porta il cane dal veterinario e gli chiede di tagliare la coda all'animale. Il dottore lo visita e poi chiede alla padrona: "Il suo cane gode di ottima salute Facet z pięknym psem przychodzi do weterynarza i mówi: prosze obciąć psu ogon. - Weterynarz na to Hørt hos dyrlægen: - Vil de ikke nok skære hele halen af min hund? - Hvorfor dog det? - Min svigermor kommer på besøg O sujeito ao saber que a querida sogra viria visita-los mandou cortar o rabo do cachorro. A mulher indignada O sujeito leva o cachorro ao veterinário. — Eu quero cortar o rabo do meu cachorro! O veterinário - ¡Querida! ¿Mañana viene a cenar tu madre? - ¡Si amor! ¿Por qué esa pregunta? - ¡Para cortarle la cola al perro! No quiero que nadie de muestras de alegría cuando llegue esa vieja! Grafas sako savo liokajui: - Rytoj atvažiuoja mano žmonos motina. Prašau nukirsti šuniui uodegą. Noriu
Bert took his Sаinт Bernard to the vet.
"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"
"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
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My mother in law was complaining about her dentures to me.
She told: "Whenever I get overweight it'll be a stench; when I make myself thin it would be stretched; when something squeezes in it then I 'll faint from enjoyment!"
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Knock-knock
Who is there?
A shattered реnis with many diseases.
What kind of illness?
Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis...
Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.
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Overheard in a restaurant:
She: "This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste."
He: "Are you describing the wine or your mother?"
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I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word "Mother-in-law" you get the words "Woman Нiтlеr".
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След един удивителен трик на магическо шоу някой от публиката вика:
I was at a magic show, when after one particularly amazing trick, someone screamed out, "wow, how did you do that."
I would tell you", answered the magician predictably, "but then I'd have to кill you."
After a moments pause the same voice screamed out "can you tell my mother in law?"
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Die Passion Christi Η κηδεία της πεθεράς Ало Un américain part en vacances en Israël avec sa femme et sa belle mère. A man Едно семејство отишло на екскурзија до Израел. A man and his ever nagging wife were on holiday in Jerusalem O marido ganhou Göran tog med sig hela familjen
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law.
During their vacation in Jerusalem, George’s mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.
The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive.
It could cost him as much as $5,000.00.
The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem.
This would only cost him $150.00.
George thinks for some time and answers,
"I don’t care how much it will cost to send the body back, that’s what I want to do."
The Consul says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."
"No, it’s not that," says George.
"You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can’t take that chance!"
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Höchststrafe für Bigamie Beim Examen wird der Jurist gefragt: "Wie hoch ist die Höchsstrafe für Bigamie?" Savez-vous quelle est la peine encourue pour bigamie? - Deux belles-mères. Професору права на лекції задають питання: - Що таке бігамія Hvad er straffen for bigami? - 2 svigermødre! Chłop pyta innego: - Wiesz - Care este pedeapsa pentru BIGAMIE? - 2 Soacre! Wat is de straf voor bigamie? Twee schoonmoeders.
- Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
- Two mothers-in-law.
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юноша решил жениться Младеж води в къщи три девойки и пита майка си: Младеж казва на майка си: Трпе тајно се оженил без да знае мајка му. Па одлучил да ја зеза и донел жени дома: Сын привел троих девушек домой Молодой человек говорит своей маме: A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her. -Mamá Un jeune homme annonce à sa mère qu'il souhaite se marier : - j'ai invité ma chérie et deux de ses copines à prendre le thé à la maison. Tu essaieras de deviner laquelle des trois je vais épouser....
So David Is finally engaged, and is excited to show off his new bride.
"Ma", he said to his Mother, "I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance."
Sure enough twenty minutes later, David walks in the door with three girls following behind him.
"It's that one", said his mother, without blinking an eye.
"Holy соw", exclaimed David, "how in the world did you know it was her?"
"I just don't like her", she replied.
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Chiste del hombre y el feretro lange Schlange Погребална процесия. Млада жена излиза от магазина и изжеднъж вижда странна погребална процесия Ένας άνδρας έβγαινε από μια καφετέρια με τον πρωινό καφέ του Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. Un uomo curioso vede un funerale e si ferma ad osservare la funzione. Nota subito che a capo di una lunga fila di uomini c'è un signore con un cane e gli si avvicina domandandogli: "Scusi Saindo do supermercado um homem se depara com uma inusitada procissão de funeral. Achou aquilo muito estranho e parou para olhar. Primeiro vinha um caixão preto. Depois En una ocasión había muchas personas reunidas en una casa y pasó por allí un conocido de la familia y preguntó: - ¿Qué pasó compadre? ¿Murió alguien? - Sí Une femme regarde un cortège funèbre inhabituel arrivant au cimetière tout proche: un corbillard Destrás de una carrosa funebre iba una fila de 4 cuadras. Un borracho admirado se acerca y pregunta: ¿Quién murió? y un hombre le responde. -Mi suegra!! Fıkra bu ya Bij een begrafenis loopt achter de lijkwagen een man met een hond. Daarachter lopen nog 500 mannen. Vraagt een toeschouwer aan man met de hond: "Wie wordt hier begraven?" "Mijn schoonmoeder"... W kondukcie pogrzebowym idzie za karawaną Fąfara z wielkim rotweilerem na smyczy Mies näki kadulla merkillisen hautajaissaattueen. Siihen kuului ruumisarkku U hřbitovní brány hledí muž na podivný průvod. Za rakví kráčí muž s manželkou a psem dobrmanem 0  Loading ... Kapinėse eina laidotuvių procesija. Paskui grabą eina ožys Trece pe strada un cortegiu funerar foarte ciudat: dupa dric urma un tip Um sujeito Bengan turistade i New Orleans. En dag fick han se ett begravningsfölje. Först gick en orkester Bir adam yolda yürürken çok uzun bir sıra görmüş. Iyice yürüyünce sıranın başında bir cenaze ve elinde köpek olan bir adam görmüş ve sormuş:rahmetli çok seviliyordu galiba!adam anlatmaya... Em um cemiterio ocorria um velório. E lá estava um cara com um cachorro pitbul com uma fila enorme atrás Otegao se grdan desetokilometarski sprovod ulicom. Za mrtvačkom kočijom ide lik i vodi mačku na uzici. Narod stoji sa strane Une femme observe un cortège funéraire bizarre : un grand corbillard noir Un barbat lua micul dejun la ora 8 dimineata Į kapines eina nežmoniško ilgio procesija
Someone going to work sees a crowd of people walking. Looking at the beginning of course, he sees a coffin behind a gentleman with a little dog followed by the crowd. Approaching the owner and he asks him:
"What happened here, man?"
"Pff, my mother-in-law died," he said.
"Hush how sad eh… And, if allowed, how?"
"My dog bit her…"
"You don't tell me! Could you lend him to me just for tonight?"
"Get in line!"
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