Attitude Jokes

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Don't regret doing things, regret getting caught

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Everything always ends well. If not - it's probably not the end.

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Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

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An asteroid 1,200 light years away has a 0.6% chance of colliding with the Earth, and you all just walking around like everything is fine.

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You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

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Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.

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Secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.

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Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off...

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Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them.

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I have a lot in common with my Velcro wallet. We're both simple and great at holding everything in.

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People who make you feel special are keepers. Anyone with such good taste has to be admired.

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I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now.

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You know she loves you when she picks your nose. How much is determined by whether she gives it to you or eats it herself.

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Want to dance? Or should I go to hеll again?

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I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now, I think I'll start calling them traditions.

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I may not be the brightest nail in the bucket, but at least I have a point.

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If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.

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If you weigh 99 pounds and eat 1 pound of nachos you will be 1% nachos!

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