Attitude Jokes

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The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine.

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My sеxuаl experiences are much like my exams. A lot of nervous build up before hand, performance is rushed and the end results are often disappointing.

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Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

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I tried to get back to the drawing board but I can't draw.

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You should argue with your wife only when she's not around.

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That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

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If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look.

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I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.

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Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it кill you to include some backstory.

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When your only тооl is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.

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Woke up early to go for a run and got as far as still laying here.

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The longer you sleep - the more sleep you need. The more you eat - the вiggеr is your appetite.

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If I wanted your opinion, I would give it to you.

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I wanted to thank you personally for the like. That's why I'm in your house.

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I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.

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Hey in my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people can I practice on you?

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If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

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I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said "WHERE"?

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