Attitude Jokes

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How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

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Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?

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Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.

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I don't date older women because it takes too long to listen to their life story.

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A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."

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Finally I got laid on top of a how woman, I was on the upper berth and she on the lower one.

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Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

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If you feel unsure about a new haircut, ask a man if it looks okay. But ask him many, many, many times. Never be satisfied with his answer.

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Why do people ask me if I'm "hiding", if I was hiding you wouldn't see me!

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I don't want you to feel like you can't express yourself, but I do want you to stop talking.

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The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.

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If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

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Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

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Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?

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Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. We just вlоw the leaves at each other's houses, right?

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I've had so much to drink that you're beginning to look good.

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Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?

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Tarzan doesn't have a beard. Yet he lives in the jungle for over 30 years.

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