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After a year of target practicing, I've got my shooting problems narrowed down to only two problems...
Elevation and Windage.

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A tribal farmer watching a Tarzan movie rushed out of the hall the moment a tiger appeared on screen, advancing menacingly towards the audience.
The gatekeeper trying to stop him argued that it's only a movie, to which the tribal replied:
“I know it’s a movie, you also know it is, but does the tiger know"?

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I went to walmart today and asked customer service for gta v. She was confused so i told her that it was a game with a black guy who crashed his car, sleeps with prostitutes, and attacks ppl with his golf club. She came put later with Tiger Woods PGA 2010.

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One day i bought a house, and i didnt know what to name it. so i went to the guy next door and said what should i name my house, and he said... walk into the woods and the first thing you hear name it. so i did just that and i heard a bunch of teenagers yelling at a bear calling it hairy вuтт. so i named my house hairy вuтт. a few days later a bought a dog, and i didnt know what to name it. so i went to the guy next door and asked him what i should name my dog. this is what he said... fo into the woods and the first thing you hear name it. so i did just that again but this time i stepped on a twig and it went СRАСК! So i named my dog сrаск. a few months later i lost my dog, imlooked all over my hairy вuтт but couldnt find my precious crack

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I used to be in a band called Blank Cheque.
After three years we were still unsigned.

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I said to the gym instructor, “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
She said, “How flexible are you?”
I replied, “I'm pretty flexible, but I can’t make Tuesdays.”

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It's good to learn from other's mistakes, I wish people learn something from me.

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Today is no joke, #PrayForParis,

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Bill gates farted on an -Apple- store and stunk up the place,but its their fault for not having -Windows-

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So who was the first guy to see an egg come out of a chickens аss and say, "I'm gonna eat that"?

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I like how a you can use a racial joke as a census... 100 kickass votes and 1 lame... We all know who that guy is lol

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Clapping:
(verb)
Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else's accomplishments.

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Baba sent his brother a birthday cake, air mail. He wanted him to get it while the candles were still burning.

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The Pink Panther’s To Do list:
- To do.
- To do.
- To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

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Me and my mate went to a bank robbers-themed fancy dress party last night.
Well I did. He stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.

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Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick up the block and put it back in my toy chest.

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Why did the Jolly Green Giant get kicked out of the garden?
He took a pea.

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Q. What do witches put on their hair when they are going out????
A. Scare-spray

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