Jokes

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Me: I can't wait to wake up tomorrow.
Girl: Why??
Me: Because I swear you get more beautiful everyday.
*Gets laid*

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Do you like astronomy, because i see stars in your eyes

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Boy: Hey, can you help me look for something? Something fell.
Girl: Sure, what fell?
Boy: My zipper.

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Girl I'm wasted, but this соndом in my pocket doesn't have to be.

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Come sleep with me, sleep with me twice. I think that would be really nice. Look here, look here, at the size of my shoe. You know what they say. Yes it is true.

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On a scale of 1 to 10 you're 9 and i'm the 1 you need

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Me - I love you like i love pizza.
Girlfriend - Awe that so sweet!
Me - Yeah, i don't like pizza.

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I got a stiff pole for your sweet hole. L

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“Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.”
Great movie quote, terrible chat-up line.

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One day, a pastor and a priest were shouting "It's the end of the world!, turn back before it's to late. A driver shouted back saying "You guys are nuts!" then continued his way, then a crash! the pastor and the priest turned each other saying "should we just say road off?".

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Guy: I hope I don't get a cake on my birthday.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because I wouldn't be able to вlоw the candles out.
Girl: Why?
Guy: Because you just took my breath away!

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I know your name,i saw it in the dictionary under the word
Shazzamm!!!!!!!!

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How much did that dress cost [if she says why do you need to know] I wanna know how much to pay when I rip it off

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Hey baby did u fall from heaven? Cuz I've always wanted to воnе an angel.

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Is your name Snow, because id love to plow you

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Well, youre a waste of sемеn!

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My week is basically:
Monday
Monday #2
Monday #3
Monday #4
Friday
Saturday
Pre-Monday

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Guy: Hey, we should go on a date!
Girl: Sorry, I'm Dating someone.
Guy: Cool, BTW I have a math test on Tuesday.
Girl: Okay, And?
Guy: Oh... Were we not naming things we can cheat on?

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