Jokes

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Goob tried to pick me up once so i punched him

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Hey girl are you from jamaica ? because you're jamaican me hоrny. HAHAHAHAHAHA

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Boy: Did you eat Lucky Charms this morning?
Girl: No, why?
Boy: Cause you're looking magically delicious!

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Warning:only do this if your in the library
If you were a library book id check you out

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Did you hear about the guy who drove his Ford Chevy truck into the lake?
It sank... like a rock!

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I went into a posh pub in a pair of filthy overalls and this snotty barman said to me,
“I’m sorry, you can’t come in here dressed like that.”
“OK,” I replied as I left, “fix your own fuскing heating then.”

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The dentist said to his patient, “This is going to hurt a little.”…
The patient replied, “It’s OK doc, I’m ready.” …
The dentist went on, “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for months now.”

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I’m starting a mirror cleaning business.
Its a job I can really see myself doing!!

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What do you call a рrоsтiтuте with сuм on her face?
A taxi. Her job’s done.

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Did you just come from KFC? cause' you have a вrеаsт and a thigh and you're giving me a drumstick!

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Are you my boat? Because nice aft!

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Do u believe in love at 1st sight or do u wanna see my skechers light up again?

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Boy-are u my toe....?
Girl-... No why?
Boy-... Cause i wanna ваng u on the table

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Guy: Miss, do have a bandaid?
Girl: Yes, why?
Guy: Because I scraped my knees when I fell for you!

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What did the guy's carphone answering machine say?
"Hi, I'm home right now so I can't take your call."

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A Physicist, Chemist and Biologist walk down the beach to the ocean. They stand together and watch the waves as the water splashes up to meet their feet.
“Look at those waves, the shear crushing weight of the water powered by tidal forces! I must study them further!” Says the Physicist, as he walked out into the water, never to be seen again.
“All that life in the ocean, from the smallest plankton to the giant whales! I must study them further!” The Biologist says as he wades into the waves, never to be seen again.
The Chemist watches the waves for a couple more minutes, checks his watch, pulls out a pad of paper and writes: Physicists and Biologists are soluble in seawater… clicks his pen and walks home.

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This bloke goes up to a girl at the bar and asks will you sleep with me for 1 million dollars. She says sure.
He said I’ll give you 100 dollars for a fсuк.
She says what do you think I am a whоrе.
He says I already established that. Now I’m negotiating the price.

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This Bloke got an Interview for a job with a “free virus checker/malware/spyware” download company.
Interviewer: the second part of your resume is missing.
Applicant: For the second part you have to pay £20.
Boss: welcome on board.

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